Im not Dead…just rashy.

I guess its been a few days since I posted. I skipped weigh-in this week for a few reasons, but the number one being its in the negatives temperature wise and its takes a LOT to get me out of the house. No way was I gonna pile on the layers to go weigh in…bleh. Which is pretty lame of me, but I dont care. I will be going on Monday night this week dont worry.

Ah so the freezing weather is really getting to me, as much as I hate blazing hot weather, I hate this even more! It burns your skin when you go outside, it makes things like walking to the mail box, eating lunch in your car, hell getting up in the morning very difficult. It means we have to close all of our blinds and add extra bedding. Poor Hula loves to sit in the window but can’t with the blinds closed.  It also means that I have developed huge scabby dry patches all over my body! Then today after lunch I went to the bathroom and noticed a red rash had broken out all over my legs! I kind of freaked out and told my supervisor (in tears) that I needed to go home. I put on lots of lotion and washed my bedding and took a Benadryl. Things seem to be looking better, but Im blaming the weather!

I also am very irritated by the short days! It makes me want to crawl in bed at 8 and do nothing! Like right now its 6:15 and I feel like it’s too late to do anything else. Oh and this damn weather has also made poor Hula a giant static ball! You pet her and you get shocked! You can hear the static whenever she rolls around on the couch…crakle crakle crackle.  Needless to say spring can come any time!

Christmas is also just around the corner (two weeks from tomorrow) and I could kind of give a shit. I dont get to go home this year and see my family, and none of them are coming to see me. I dont want to bake (for obvious reasons) which I love to do at the holidays. Money is tight right now so there is no giant pile of presents under the tree. Can I get a Bah Hum Bug? No, for real Im trying to get in the spirit, but I have a feeling Christmas may come and go without me really noticing.  I did make out all of our Christmas cards (a tradition I actually find important to give and receive) last night and plan to mail them tomorrow after work. Mr. Gaunt is away for the evening too so I will probably get all of his gifts wrapped and stuck under the tree.

Oh I watched the season finale of Biggest Loser last night on DVR. HOLY COW! Was that not insane? I couldnt believe how they looked! Both Rudy and Danny just looked killer! And Amanda looked pretty good too.  The only thing that I find a little disturbing was Rebecca (who’s starting weight was 279) at 5’6″ weighed in last night at 140lbs. When they did her Jay Leno update a few weeks ago I believe she was at 160 and she looked AMAZING! Last night however she looked a little too thin. Also Tracey who had dropped about 50% of her starting weight looked a little this as well. Im sure both women are very healthy, and congrats to them for getting it all off, I just hope they find a happy weight that they can maintain. It also showed me the I do NOT want to weigh 140lbs (which for my height at 5’7 with a larger frame is about the lowest I would go) but rather would feel very good at 150-160lbs.

Ok onto something I have been debating a for a while now. As you probably have noticed I have yet to actually say how much I weigh on this blog. I talk about how much I have lost/want to lose, but not how much I actually weigh. I have been carefull not to share %loss as well because I know y’all arent stupid and you could easily do the math. At this point there are two people who actually know my current weight (and what I started at) that it Mr. Gaunt and Pro. Telling both of them was also pretty difficult, but I felt if I wanted their support then they really needed to know all the facts. And of course they were both very loving and supportive and made me feel like it wasnt a big deal…although to me…it was. Now on to my dilemma: Basically I had decided awhile back that I really DO want to share with you what I weigh, and I want to not be superficial and I want to show you that the number doesnt really matter. I told myself that on January 1st 2010 I would finally tell you all what I weighed, what size I wear, what my current measurements are, what I started at…the works. It just makes me nervous. There are a lot of people who read this blog that dont leave comments. Lost of old highschool friends and family members. Men, women, coworkers. Do I really want all of these people to know? And what are they gonna say? “Holy shit she was the size of a house!”? I hate that! I dont want to feel like people are judging me. I dont want them to think of me differently…will they? Will you?

I dont know. Im still building up the guts to do this, we will see. At this point I am so proud of how far I have come thats its not about you knowing what I weigh today, its just about where I let myself get….ugg. Ok so words of encouragement would be great!

Ok Im off to the store and then home to eat chilli! Oh and I swear Im going to do some cooking this week, weve just been doing boring things. The following are on the Menu though:

-Weight Watchers Veggie Lasagna

-Mango-licous Tilapia

-Chicken Sausage Jambalaya

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12 thoughts on “Im not Dead…just rashy.

  1. Oh Morgan! You should truly be so proud of how far you have come. You have been an inspiration to me, and I’m sure a ton of others. Dont be discouraged. PS I hate the bitter cold too… BOO!

  2. You should feel so proud of how much you have lost, I personally know how hard it is. All that matters is how you feel! If it makes you feel any better I will share with you my weight loss info. When I started to lose weight I weighed 210 pounds and wore a size 16. I now weigh 148 and wear a size 8. I am proud of how much I have lost and it makes me feel good to tell people that I used to be a size 16, they usually are in disbelief that I actually was that big. It makes me feel good because it means I actually look different than I did back, does that make sense? Anyways I also see it as people saw me back then and knew that I looked bigger than a cow so it is not like it is new news that I weighed that much and wore pants that size. Anyways, keep up the good(and very hard) work!! You should feel so so sooo proud of everything you have accomplished!

  3. They are only numbers but unfortunately we tend to judge ourselves with those numbers… our age, our weight, our measurements. We always see ourselves differently than others see us and they are not as judgmental as we might think they are. You look fabulous and what matters is how you feel about your accomplishment. Love yourself and keep up the good work!

  4. Ok, I think that everyone gets embarrassed of how much they used to weigh but you know what? that was a number of the past!!!
    I never wanted to tell anyone how much I weighed but now I will paint it on a billboard if I wanted.

    Are you happy when you think, I am now in a size 14, but I used to be in a size 20? It makes me feel so good!!!

    Love your blog!!!

  5. Morgan, my love.

    First of all, can I say that it is HILARIOUS that in both of our blogs yesterday (YESTERDAY! – random), we decided that the first of the year will be an appropriate time to reveal weights and sizes? I don’t know if you read mine first and agreed…but either way, I find that quite amusing.

    Secondly, I am so very proud of you – as is EVERYONE who reads your blog whether they comment or not – and I think you should be excited to share the numbers. I too am nervous but I think it’s just another step (as was taking the step to lose the weight in the first place) to winning this battle. Embrace it…as will I…and we’ll do it. Balls out, girl.

    I love you, so very much and am so happy to share this journey with you – start to finish and everything in between.

    Linds

  6. Hey Honey, You are amazing and much braver than I have ever been in sharing so much with everyone. I’m so proud of you, and learning so much from watching you go through this process. Oh, and pick up some Bio-oil to use on your skin. It seems to be helping my dry patches. Love you tons, Mom

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