Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice.

Today we are making a big decision with our new little business. We are signing up for an event, that could make or break us. I ordered 1000 Business cards last night. We have looked into custom embroidered shirts. We are opening a new bank account, a new paypal, and we linked all our emails accounts to one account (so I don’t go crazy checking 4 different email accounts every few hours). We have also networked with other vendors and arranged to help get and give promotions. Plus we are in the middle of arranging our first trial gig!

So were ready right?

We better be! I have a pretty awesome plan for my life and a lot of it is resting on my ability to make this happen for my family. I need to have confidence and skills. I need to dive in head first and just swim…fast.

And I know this is all a bit vague, but I swear once we are all ready I will share it with you.

You have to make your own reality, right? People do succeed, right? You can work a job you love, right? You can start with nothing and still be successful, right? RIGHT!

In completely boring office news: I finally remembered to buy Pumpkin Spice Creamer and bring it to work, for those days I’m running too late to get a latte. I must say, I kind of despise office coffee, but his makes it a little better. Go Broncos. (:

OH!!! And yesterday was our 1 month Anniversary! No pics yet…sigh….hopefully sooooon!

The Dark and Short

When it starts getting dark at 5pm, my days seem to vanish, cut in half. All summer I was running on such little sleep in order to give myself as much day as I could. I would wake up at 6:30 and wouldn’t go to bed till 1am. Then daylight lasted from 6am to 10pm, it felt like the days went on forever, and even still I felt I needed more time. Now Its dark when I wake up, and dark 2 hours after I get home for work, the days are teeny tiny. We are also on a slightly different schedule, as Mr. Gaunt now works at 5am, so we have to be in bed eyes shut by 10pm. Between 4 and 10 I feel like we GO GO GO.

Yesterday I came home and immediately went into the kitchen to bake  a pumpkin cake (because I’m crazy…shhh!. Once the cake was in the oven I sat on the couch for another hour finishing a painting that has to ship out today. By 5:45 the cake was cooling and I whipped up some cream cheese frosting (cause I’m god damn Martha Stewart…duh!), changed out of my work clothes, and by 6 we were in the car going to our friends house for dinner (and movie, and invitation making). We got home at 9pm, I spent 30 minutes on the computer, then to bed. It was actually a great evening, and we love doing things like that, but I often feel like every day of the week is similar in busyness, its hard to find balance.

This morning I woke with some anxiety, which after searching my brain

side note: Does anyone else do this? When you feel stress or anxiety but aren’t sure where it comes from, you run through all the things going on in your life until you feel that PANG. Then you know whats causing it.

I determined it was a mix of money, and my job. Money because I have to take a TON of time off (unpaid) in the next few months (4 weeks off to be exact) and I worry that the coattails of wedding funds will be gone and we will be very sad folks. Also because we are switching from a big bank (booo) to a credit Union (yay!) and we got our first credit card (Yay & Boo), but we still havent finished moving all (like there’s a whole bunch…lol!) our money over and closing our accounts. So I feel like we are in banking limbo, and that is scary…ugg. But when the stupid banks all close by 6pm WHEN ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSE TO DO THAT SORT OF THING! I wish banks were open from 6am to 10pm so people could get off work and do banking things, lordy.

As for my job (are you guys sick of me bitching about one shitty job after another for the last 3 years yet? Yeah, me neither.) Its lame, and it pays nothing, and I have ZERO benefits because technically I’m still seasonal, and now they are making me take 5 unpaid weeks off before the end of January. On top of that, it’s just super boring, which I don’t do well with.

Sooooooooo

I have a plan. A business plan! A plan to start my own business doing something I’m good at, and something that’s not too hard. It’s a plan that could maybe be a full-time gig for me, that MAYBEEEEE could even be a full time family gig! That would give me (and my man friend) my own schedule, and wouldn’t cost a million dollars to start-up (except we kind of need a van…of the mini variety). But I’m lazy, and I get scared with business politics, and I’m bad with money, and I worry too much. How could I ever function? I know my mom and Mr. Gaunt will help too, but they are both busy with their own jobs, neither of them feel the DIRE NEED to do something better with their lives (well they do, but not as much as me). So far I have a business name, a logo, a plan, and a lot of ideas and lists. What I need is a business license, a van, a bank account, a website, supplies, brochures, uniforms, and a gig. Which is overwhelming when you have a full-time job, a part-time painting job, and a life cat!

But I NEED it to happen! So I’m just going to wing it. I’m going to go get the things I can get (no van for me…):) and piece together the rest!

Oh! Maybe YOU can help. What is another word for “Execution” or “Executor” in the “get something done” meaning, not the “kill someone” meaning?

So I feel better, blogging always helps me sort out my thoughts a bit. And I’m sooo excited to FINALLY make my bridal shower Thank You Cards tonight and Mr. Gaunt is changing his alternator tonight (the shop quoted him $600…psh! No way) So him and his friend Greg (who helped him change his starter) checked the book out at the Library and are gonna give it a go. I’m so proud of him for attempting to learn these things, and I’m glad he has Greg to help him feel more comfortable under the hood of a car.

Alright. I also NEED some new music! I would love you lots if you would post at least 1 or 2 of your favorite songs at the moment in the comments!

Finding Focus

I’m having a bit of a struggle these days finding something to focus on, and feeling strong enough to actually do anything. A killer headache that lasted all day today made me feel fat, lazy and sad. I feel like the wedding really took a lot out of me, and mellowing down is both much need, and frustratingly difficult for me. I WANT to do nothing, but after a few hours of laying around I feel the internal struggle of my mind saying “You should be doing something!” Sigh.

Mr. Gaunt

my momma

The wedding also produced a lot of stuff and a lot of garbage. Lots. It’s taken us 3 weeks to get it all under control, and we still have boxes of stuff to sell or give away, and wedding gifts to find a home. Before we moved I had made an honest effort to downsize and get rid of all the extra STUFF, but now its back! Gah! A lot of it has to do with the fact that there are 3 grownups living in a pretty small 2 bedroom house, plus my sister has some stuff in our garage, and we have a bunch of wedding stuff. On top of that, our neighborhood LOVES to give stuff away for free, and the men in my house love to scoop that stuff up. We have an excess of patio furniture, chairs, tools, etc in our garage, all that we got for free.  Needless to say I foresee a garage sale in the spring. We are also sharing 1 dresser and 1 TINY (like 3 feet wide) closet between the two of us, and that just sucks!

My job right now is well…boring. It is what it is, it’s not the worst thing in the world. The biggest problem is that it gives me way too much time to think about things. I sit and think about all the things I should do, with my job, my blog, my life in general. Its frustrating. I so want to have the strength and energy to move forward on some of my projects, but for whatever reason, I’m just not able to. I often think I need a partner (not Mr. Gaunt) to be the 2nd half to push me into something. My job is also making me take 5 unpaid weeks off before January 27th…eeek!

Lastly, my weight. I had planned to give myself a month off after the wedding, to chill out. To eat what I want, and not workout. I’m 3 weeks in, and I feel like shit, absolute shit. I feel fat and bloated, my skin feels bad, I feel tired and weak all over. Before the wedding, despite not having lost much weight, I actually felt really strong and fit. I was running 12-15 miles a week, eating small healthy foods, and felt pretty good. Cutting myself off from all of that (as fun as it might have seemed) has made me feel awful. I think tomorrow I will go running again (which I can now do outside as it’s not too hot) and ditch the sweets, cheese, cream, fat, carbs. I need more lean proteins, vegetables and water in my diet…STAT! I actually haven’t stepped on a scale in over a month, and I’d like to feel comfortable enough to do so by the time we go to Colorado (November 26th).

So for now I’m working through each day, trying to let life flow naturally and not stress about what I should be doing, could be doing, or want to be doing.  Oh and the pictures through out this post are just random fall fun (:

 

Quitting for Happiness

My dearest Kelli inspired me to talk a bit about my job/future plans of unemployment.

I know I should be all freaking ecstatic to HAVE a job, any job, and I should thank my lucky stars that I can work somewhere and make a living to help support my family, blah blah blah.

Here is the thing, I can’t do it. I can’t continue to destroy my mind and spirit, and waste any natural talent and ambition I might have left. I can not hate my life for a paycheck. I can not spend 40 hours a week trying to look busy. I can not be disrespected and talked down to by some pervy old man who somehow kissed enough ass to make his way into some pointless paper pushing supervisor position.

I cant.

And I wont. (and for the record I wont be letting that happen to my future husband either, whether he can stand it or not)

And so I’m quitting. On February 25th I will NEVER go back.I will NEVER look back. And most of all I will NEVER decrease my self value like I have for the last 2 years, just for $12.35 and hour….NEVER.

So everyone wants to know what I will be doing once I get to Washington. Well, the options are endless, despite the poor economy in a college town for a girl with no degree.

Here are a few things I’ve been thinking about:

1. J+M design: continue putting along with our painting business. I will have to take 1 month off from this until Mr. Gaunt and I are back in the same house.  Our new home has a nice storage area for Canvas, and the Art community is always full of support in Bellingham. I have new ideas for promoting and would really like to continue with this. My goal is to make 30% of my half of our income this way by next January.

2. Weddings: Im sure its something that has crossed every wedding planning brides mind “I could be a wedding Planner!” but I have already done one, and I think I do offer a unique point of view. Not to mention Im not really looking to “plan” more to help “create” fun eco-friendly budget friendly weddings. Mr. Gaunt and I have talked a bit about starting a wedding “trade, rent, collect” type business as well as a cleanup/set up crew for brides who want reliable help without the high cost of a planner.

3. Marketing: My mom runs/manages a wine and tapas bar that REALLY needs to get their tushes in gear and start moving forward. I have lots of ideas to help them grow. Food, t-shirts, music, events, Id love to have a hand in all of this.

4. BLOG: This includes a serious upgrade, as well as marketing and err…a possible cookbook idea. (=

But of course those are all somewhat self-employed business opportunities. Am I willing to go back to corporate? Yes and No.

-No MALLS!

-No large corporate chains…none! It’s not a community I want to support.

-Yes to seasonal jobs at my old Graphic DEsign firm

-Yes to seasonal jobs at my brothers farm

-Yes to helping local companies work Farmers markets

-Yes to 32 hours, not 40.

-Yes to time off to be with my family, helping Mr. Gaunt through school, and all of that.

So we will see. I have such big dreams and I’m finally going to be in a position to make some of that happen! I’m so excited to be back in the community that very much supports my unusual ways of making a living.

Most of all I’m ready to grow up and stop selling myself short. Mr. Gaunt and I will be married in 7.5 months, and we plan to start a family in the near future. I want to have the flexibility and the peace of working a job that works around my life, not my life working around a job. Thats how I was raised, and that’s how I want my children raised. To be free minded, happy, and creative!

Costco Eats and Work

We went to Costco this morning.

It was busy and I had a few too many samples…so shoot me.

We bought some amazing Hummus and Pearl Couscous Salad! I usually don’t buy pre-made pasta dishes, but this was vegan and organic and $5 for 32 oz! And the Hummus was $5 for 32 oz, also vegan and organic. It was a special deal through Pita Pal. At Whole Foods they sell 8oz of their Hummus for $5! Such a better deal at Costco. The guy also said that it last 5 weeks, which is nice because it’s a lot. Sealing the deal he yells to the crowd “For those of you on Weight Watchers, it’s a 1/2 cup for 1 point!” ummm…done. I bought it.

With a crap ton of Hummus we needed a chip like product, so we bought these Blue Ginger Brown Rice chips which are 33 chips for 110 calories, plus 3 grams of fiber. I’m not usually a big rice chip fan, but these are brown rice, so they are much more like a POP Chip, not that weird Lacquered looking cracker product. They are good.

Plus part skim cheese, Apple Chicken Sausage, Salad mix, Lean Ground Turkey, and lunch meat. Costco it always good to us.

I have to work today at Pier 1, which I’m actually kind of enjoying. Its WAAAY better than my real day job, which I hate. On friday I had a total breakdown at work. See on Wednesday I worked my butt off getting my department in to tip-top shape, like really went above and beyond, because we had a big store walk with all the district managers and supervisors. On Friday they came back after the walk and told us that they only walked a few departments and mine wasnt one of them. It was such a let down because I was really proud of myself. I just sobbed in the bathroom. My job is already pretty pointless, and when I really try to work hard and make a difference, it doesn’t even matter. They don’t care, don’t see, and sure as hell don’t say thank you. Its sad.

The good news is that on Thursdays we did our first local delivery of a painting. It was a 1st time Grandma who bought a painting of her grandson for his parents. She was so in love with it, and sent me such a sweet email telling how great it looked and how wonderful it was to work with me. It was so nice. This was my first order done without the assistance of Etsy, and it was great knowing that it can easily be done with email and Paypal and not have to pay Etsy’s Fees. This job is so much more rewarding! You work hard and it actually pays off! It just made me want to keep building this business, I NEED to do this for me.

The big move is now 14 weeks away for me! EEEK! So much to do still, but I’m trying to just stay on top of it and not stress. Christmas is till on the back burner for me. I got a really nice email from my friend Rita talking about the importance of Christmas, and reassuring me that its ok to kind of take a year off. I feel ok about not pushing any holiday cheer on myself this year. I know not everyone agrees with me, but that’s ok.

Lastly Mr. Gaunt and I are both undecided about the gym thing still. I really want the both of us to get memberships, but its really hard to find an extra $70 a month to do that. If you buy a 1 year membership its only about $17 per person a month, but we sure don’t have $400 laying around either. Its so tough to know what to do. I do know that the only way I’m going to lose weight is buy either STRAVING or working out. And let me tell you, starving aint that fun.

 

 

A Means to an End

We had our first craft fair yesterday. It was exhausting and long, and we put a lot of work and money into it. In the end we passed out over 100 forms of advertisement, and made one little sale. We really weren’t there to sell, so that’s ok. We got lots of great feedback, and now I’m just waiting to see if any emails come in. They’d have to right?

Today I have to work from 1-5 at my part-time job, and then of course tomorrow i work 6-2:30 and the 4-8. I’m a little overwhelmed to say the least. I just feel sad and tired. I also just got paid on Friday and am broke. I’m trying to put all the money I can into savings, but it just feels like we every month we have to pull it back out to pay some stupid bill.  I feel like I work all the time, and I don’t spend any money, and I’m still completely drowning. I don’t know what to do.

And my real full-time job is awful. I feel like crying most days that I am there. It’s so bad, so mindless, so frustrating.

And I know why we are doing this. I know that if I ever want to be back in Washington that this is what I have to do. And it WILL be worth it. Just the thought of another stupid Holiday season coming up where I am stuck here while my family all gets together and enjoys each others company breaks my heart. I don’t even want to celebrate christmas this year. We really do not have any money to be buying gifts, and we really do NOT need anything in return. I’d rather just pretend it wasn’t Christmas like I did the first year I was here.

I was actually looking through some friends photos on Facebook. They had a bunch of pictures on fun vacations, Europe, New York, mexico, places both Mr. Gaunt and I would like to go. And I realized that the two of us have never really gotten to take a REAL vacation. We always go back to Washington, which is wonderful, but not really a real vacation. And I’m so excited to finally be home and to feel like I’m not wasting precious family time if I go somewhere else. I so want to travel with Mr. Gaunt, he has been so few places. I really wish that we could go on a honeymoon, even if it was a little ways after the wedding. Maybe New York for Christmas or something. It will all depend on money and jobs.

Speaking of jobs. Mr. Gaunt is going to transfer his job to Washington, but for a few reasons, some controlled by me, some not, I will not be able to transfer my job. This is 100% fine with me. I would rather live in a studio apartment than work that job any longer. Mr. Gaunt is planning on going to Nursing school in the Winter of 2011, and maybe taking some pre-reqs before that. I’m not exactly sure what I will be doing. My mom has talked about some possible options for work, and I really do plan to pursue the paintings more. If we move to Bellingham we have a studio space that we can use to store and even sell our paintings out of.

It’s all still a bit up in the air, and I just have to remember that my weekends being cut short and my bank account being empty will all be worth it in the end.  Being home again.

I leave you with a pretty adorable video made about my home town. I pretty much wanna cry every time I watch.