Busy, Sad, BLT

Yesterday we went out to eat with some friends, which turned in to too much money spent, too much food eaten, too much alcohol consumed. It was just too much.

I had the blues all day today. I know it stems from money and weight, and clothing not fitting, and thinking my hair is ugly. I’m also suddenly very busy with work and house chores, yard chores, small businesses, so I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s clock work though, every summer I take on too many projects and feel totally swamped with expectations.

No one buys paintings from us from Christmas through April. I begin to think no one ever will, but just like last year, Mothers Day signifies the start of our “painting season” and I had FOUR painting requests this weekend. I love doing paintings, I really do, but they take up a TON of time. Each painting takes me at least 6+ hours. I wouldn’t really say I make a descent hourly rate off them, but they do give me extra spending money. Last year I used almost all of our painting money for wedding stuff. This year I think I might sock it away to buy myself my dream camera for my birthday in September.

Needless to say I kept busy this afternoon in order to not feel sad. I worked in the morning with Mr. Gaunt, I did painting stuff in the afternoon, I took a nap in the yard in the sun and burnt my shins. I got coffee at 5pm, because I wanted to, and we ate steaks from the grill for dinner, with very bitter eggplant. We went for a long walk at sunset, and now I’m blogging, responding to emails, and hoping to watch some Vampire Diaries (my new guilty Netflix show!).

However I weighed myself today and felt sad, but I mowed the lawn and felt proud.

I did laundry and bought soap, and made lunches for work

Every day is not easy, or happy, or skinny (and yes, those three things are what make up a good day for me) some days are hard, and sad and fat. I also have had major jealousy pangs today. I’m jealous of everyone, their looks, their kids, their houses, their vacations, everything. I know it’s just a phase and that I’m just struggling with. I KNOW I have so much good stuff, and I’m making lots of good choices for my family, and I know what other people’s lives look like might not be reality. It’s that damn Facebook that always gets me!

This week I’m focusing on my health and my fitness, and my businesses, and my husband. Those are what’s important to me, and whats special, and whats good. The rest I will just have to let go, and not stress about.

I did have a nice mini-dinner party on Friday, and made Chicken Caesar wraps and this SKINNY BLT PASTA SALAD, that was pretty good. I thought I would share it, because it’s so easy, and it’s nice to change things up every now and then with a pasta salad. You should make it!

 

 

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Balsamic Asparagus and Zuzana Light Workouts

Roses from Mr. Gaunt. Tulips from my mom.

Tuesdays are our eat early nights. Although there is something weirdly nice about eating dinner at 5pm. It just sort of gets that task out of the way, and reduces the likelihood of it getting “too late, and too tired” to make anything. Resulting in eating garbage.  I wish I could convince myself everyday to just come home, straighten my house and make dinner. I’m working on it. So Tuesdays I have yoga and Mr. Gaunt has class at 6:30, so we eat early.

Using what we had on hand I went for easy and classic. The chicken is just breaded with Italian bread crumbs, and the Black Beans and Rice is a boxed thing. The Asparagus though was done Mr. Gaunt’s favorite way, with balsamic!

It’s nothing fancy, just trim, throw on a cookie sheet. Drizzle with olive oi, balsamic, and salt and pepper. Bake for 10-15 minutes on 345. Comes out a little crisp on the edges and very tangy.

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The last couple weeks I’ve been working 9 hour shifts at work to help train new season employees. It’s definitely challenging, but more entertaining than my previous task of doing NOTHING! Our busy season has just started, so the hours may get longer and longer. I need to stay on top of my working out and not use long work days as and excuse to be lazy. I’m continuing to go to the gym right after work at least 3-4 days a week, plus yoga on Tuesdays. Recently I read a post from Emily Martin (The Black Apple) about a great online workout video series that I have decided to try! They are short, like 12 minutes and super intense I guess. Has anyone tried these?

Zuzana Light from bodyrock.tv

The Not Dirty Workout Pants

This morning I was folding laundry and I pulled my workout pants out of the dryer.

1. They were definitely NOT dirty, as they have definitely NOT been worn since September.

2. Boo…I suck.

I feel sluggish and tired and fat and lazy these days. I feel overwhelmed by the loss of light (dark at 4:30!) and it makes me not want to do anything. I Looonng for the days of summer where it was light until 10! And we at so healthy and I ran at least 4 days a week, and when J would get home from work we would use the barbels to strength train.

God I feel sick with how lethargic we have become. How couch loving, cake eating, grossness.

I want to feel motivated again to at least be healthy.

I need pride back.

I need strength back.

I need energy back.

I’m really poor right now, but I might fork over the money for a gym membership again. I can’t work out in the dark, but I have got to feel better about myself. And no more sugar! God I have way to much sugar in my life! I’m debating giving up sugar in January as my New Years Resolution. I’m really good at New Years Resolutions, so we will see.

Back to the Pavement

Today at work we had a Celebration Breakfast for a co-worker who hit his 5 year mark. The topic quickly turned to this co-workers dedication to riding his Bike to and from work, every single day. He says he lives about 7 miles from work (in my neighborhood) and he loves it. He even invented these Bike “Snow Tires” so he can ride his bike in the snow! Him and his wife just bought a house in the county and someone asked if he plans to still ride to and from work. He said he had already tested it, and that it is 13 miles each way. He says it takes him about 50 minutes to ride to work, and 50 minutes home.

I was shocked! This guy is willing to give up TWO HOURS of his day to ride his bike to and from work! CRAZY! Then everyone sat around talking about marathons (that woman who ran Boston at 9 month pregnant) and half marathons, and all the old people, fat people, young people they knew who had turned their lives around by walking, then running. It was just so inspiring.

Before the wedding I had taken up a bit of running, well…slow jogging? And it was DAMN hard! I once told someone I was working up to do a 5k, and they said “What? That’s so easy, you can run a 3.2 miles!” But I couldn’t, honestly. I still can’t. I can run MAX 2 miles without stopping, and that is EXHAUSTING!  My legs hurt and I’m out of breath, and mentally drained. I wont say it’s an excuse, but I’m sorry, if you weigh less than 150 pounds running has got to be way easier for you. Seriously. Try running holding an extra 50 pound weight. It’s flat-out hard to run when you are bigger. No lie. Not that I’m not strong, I’m very strong. I’m actually (well I was before the wedding) in pretty good shape. I worked out regularly and ate healthy. I don’t smoke, I drink very little, and I am in a constant state of trying to live a healthier life. Still though, I am not thin, not at a healthy BMI, not average in size. It’s something I work on every day. I LOVE the idea of being Skinny, but I just don’t see it ever happening for me. I have never been significantly smaller than I am right now, since I was 15.

None the less, I have to watch myself, and Mr. Gaunt for that matter. We can gain weight in a matter of DAYS! So we have to constantly check ourselves, our eating, our physical fitness, to keep at an acceptable (yet still over weight) weight. Which bring me to OCTOBER 25th.

OCTOBER 24th will be the 1 month deadline I gave myself to eat whatever I wanted and NOT work out at all. It was my month off that I felt I really needed to get some sanity back after the wedding. So on OCTOBER 25th we will be back to a healthier lifestyle. Less Cheese, less bread, less sugar, less butter, less food. More moving, lifting and stretching! I’m going to get a yoga DVD and see if Mr. Gaunt and I can’t do a little of our own yoga in the evenings. I also want to get back to my strength training before bed, makes yah feel better! Lastly Running. I’m starting today. I have a NEW 3.5 mile plan that I plan to start doing at least 4 times a week. I will start with walking, then move into jogging, and hopefully maybe by the new year I will be able to do the whole thing without stopping! It’s a Goal!

I’ll keep you updated as usual! If my coworker can ride his bike for 2 hours just to get ot work, then I can dedicate a solid hour 4 days a week to keeping my butt smaller! Plus I think it’s better to start this stuff now, keep OFF the holiday weight, then start in the New Year after you gained all the Holiday weight. Booo.

Anyone else Not planning on gaining weight this Holiday season?

 

Salmon, not the fish.

Well my one day off FLEW by, obviously. Not much was done, nothing around the house. I did however go on Saturday before work and got a new Sports Bra and a new dress. Oddly they are the same color. Then on Saturday night Mr. Gaunt and I had Date Night! We got dressed up and went to eat at Pepper Sisters (my landlord is the owner) it was amazing! Then we got super drunk on wine, went dancing with my sister and walked home.

(My camera was dead all weekend so all the photos are from Mr. Gaunt’s cell phone, so they aren’t great)

This is what I wore Saturday morning. Its sort of exciting, as these jeans havent fit in like 6 months, and I really like them. They are smidge long (really cute with heels) but they have a smaller waist and now they fit! Motivation.

I tried on a few sports bras, and this one fit the best. I like a little bit thicker bra that really straps everything back, no boob-moveage over here. And it was a fun color! The bra is Nike’s Swift Running Bra, similar to this one. It was slightly fancier than my last one, but I think I deserve it…(: I’m excited to try it out tomorrow morning.

This is the dress I bought. Mr. Gaunt says Salmon is my color. This dress is just stretch cotton, it will be great for summer (if summer gets here). I personally don’t like my legs at all, so I think it might be a little short. I will probably wear leggings unless it gets super hot. Mr. Gaunt and my sister disagree on the length issue, maybe I’ll take it for a bare leg test run.

This next week will be pretty exhausting. I just have to focus on working out and eating healthy. No matter how crazy things get or how tired I am I have to stay focused. Being worn out is a crappy excuse to let your body go, and its so easy to do that. Not this time though, I have my priorities and this blog to keep me held accountable.

 

Rumour Has It

Tonight between 8:04 and 8:13 I JOGGED ONE WHOLE MILE!

With help from Miss Adele…

It was awesome. I just got in this groove and kept going. Usually its my breathing that stops me, but tonight it just never got too hard. I mean I was still huffing and puffing, but it was much more rhythmic and never out of control. I like to blast my music so I can’t hear my own breathing. When I can hear it, it distracts me and makes me freak out. i hate when a song ends and there is that 10 second silence where I can really hear myself, awful. Tonight though I focused on a target, I’m lucky that my blocks are straight and I can see the end from the beginning. It gives me a destination.

After my first mile I almost felt like crying, but realized that would cause be to hyperventilate and decided it best to not cry. none the less I wished there was someone there to celebrate with me (Mr. Gaunt was on a bike ride). After that I walked a 1/2 mile, then jogged 3/4 of a mile, then walked/jogged off and on until I got home. I did 3.5 miles in 43 minutes.

This gives me hope that by the end of the summer I might be able to RUN a 5k….maybe.

When I got home Mr. Gaunt had BBQed some pork chops (from that pig my mom bought) and we picked our first head of lettuce from the garden! This was very exciting as it’s the first thing we have grown and eaten. We also clipped some herbs and made a very simple salad. Oh and we topped the pork chops off with grilled onions. Yum!