Yesterday we went out to eat with some friends, which turned in to too much money spent, too much food eaten, too much alcohol consumed. It was just too much.
I had the blues all day today. I know it stems from money and weight, and clothing not fitting, and thinking my hair is ugly. I’m also suddenly very busy with work and house chores, yard chores, small businesses, so I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s clock work though, every summer I take on too many projects and feel totally swamped with expectations.
No one buys paintings from us from Christmas through April. I begin to think no one ever will, but just like last year, Mothers Day signifies the start of our “painting season” and I had FOUR painting requests this weekend. I love doing paintings, I really do, but they take up a TON of time. Each painting takes me at least 6+ hours. I wouldn’t really say I make a descent hourly rate off them, but they do give me extra spending money. Last year I used almost all of our painting money for wedding stuff. This year I think I might sock it away to buy myself my dream camera for my birthday in September.
Needless to say I kept busy this afternoon in order to not feel sad. I worked in the morning with Mr. Gaunt, I did painting stuff in the afternoon, I took a nap in the yard in the sun and burnt my shins. I got coffee at 5pm, because I wanted to, and we ate steaks from the grill for dinner, with very bitter eggplant. We went for a long walk at sunset, and now I’m blogging, responding to emails, and hoping to watch some Vampire Diaries (my new guilty Netflix show!).
However I weighed myself today and felt sad, but I mowed the lawn and felt proud.
I did laundry and bought soap, and made lunches for work
Every day is not easy, or happy, or skinny (and yes, those three things are what make up a good day for me) some days are hard, and sad and fat. I also have had major jealousy pangs today. I’m jealous of everyone, their looks, their kids, their houses, their vacations, everything. I know it’s just a phase and that I’m just struggling with. I KNOW I have so much good stuff, and I’m making lots of good choices for my family, and I know what other people’s lives look like might not be reality. It’s that damn Facebook that always gets me!
This week I’m focusing on my health and my fitness, and my businesses, and my husband. Those are what’s important to me, and whats special, and whats good. The rest I will just have to let go, and not stress about.
I did have a nice mini-dinner party on Friday, and made Chicken Caesar wraps and this SKINNY BLT PASTA SALAD, that was pretty good. I thought I would share it, because it’s so easy, and it’s nice to change things up every now and then with a pasta salad. You should make it!