Busy, Sad, BLT

Yesterday we went out to eat with some friends, which turned in to too much money spent, too much food eaten, too much alcohol consumed. It was just too much.

I had the blues all day today. I know it stems from money and weight, and clothing not fitting, and thinking my hair is ugly. I’m also suddenly very busy with work and house chores, yard chores, small businesses, so I’m a little overwhelmed. It’s clock work though, every summer I take on too many projects and feel totally swamped with expectations.

No one buys paintings from us from Christmas through April. I begin to think no one ever will, but just like last year, Mothers Day signifies the start of our “painting season” and I had FOUR painting requests this weekend. I love doing paintings, I really do, but they take up a TON of time. Each painting takes me at least 6+ hours. I wouldn’t really say I make a descent hourly rate off them, but they do give me extra spending money. Last year I used almost all of our painting money for wedding stuff. This year I think I might sock it away to buy myself my dream camera for my birthday in September.

Needless to say I kept busy this afternoon in order to not feel sad. I worked in the morning with Mr. Gaunt, I did painting stuff in the afternoon, I took a nap in the yard in the sun and burnt my shins. I got coffee at 5pm, because I wanted to, and we ate steaks from the grill for dinner, with very bitter eggplant. We went for a long walk at sunset, and now I’m blogging, responding to emails, and hoping to watch some Vampire Diaries (my new guilty Netflix show!).

However I weighed myself today and felt sad, but I mowed the lawn and felt proud.

I did laundry and bought soap, and made lunches for work

Every day is not easy, or happy, or skinny (and yes, those three things are what make up a good day for me) some days are hard, and sad and fat. I also have had major jealousy pangs today. I’m jealous of everyone, their looks, their kids, their houses, their vacations, everything. I know it’s just a phase and that I’m just struggling with. I KNOW I have so much good stuff, and I’m making lots of good choices for my family, and I know what other people’s lives look like might not be reality. It’s that damn Facebook that always gets me!

This week I’m focusing on my health and my fitness, and my businesses, and my husband. Those are what’s important to me, and whats special, and whats good. The rest I will just have to let go, and not stress about.

I did have a nice mini-dinner party on Friday, and made Chicken Caesar wraps and this SKINNY BLT PASTA SALAD, that was pretty good. I thought I would share it, because it’s so easy, and it’s nice to change things up every now and then with a pasta salad. You should make it!

 

 

The Not Dirty Workout Pants

This morning I was folding laundry and I pulled my workout pants out of the dryer.

1. They were definitely NOT dirty, as they have definitely NOT been worn since September.

2. Boo…I suck.

I feel sluggish and tired and fat and lazy these days. I feel overwhelmed by the loss of light (dark at 4:30!) and it makes me not want to do anything. I Looonng for the days of summer where it was light until 10! And we at so healthy and I ran at least 4 days a week, and when J would get home from work we would use the barbels to strength train.

God I feel sick with how lethargic we have become. How couch loving, cake eating, grossness.

I want to feel motivated again to at least be healthy.

I need pride back.

I need strength back.

I need energy back.

I’m really poor right now, but I might fork over the money for a gym membership again. I can’t work out in the dark, but I have got to feel better about myself. And no more sugar! God I have way to much sugar in my life! I’m debating giving up sugar in January as my New Years Resolution. I’m really good at New Years Resolutions, so we will see.

Waiting For Nothing To Do

As much as I loved moving, loved switching jobs, love planning a wedding, I do not love always having to do something.

I of course know that I have made all of these choices on my own, and I am glad I did, but I’m tired. Every day I wake up with a list of things to do….

I get up

I eat breakfast

I workout

I blog

I do the dishes, or some laundry

we water the garden

we think about lunch plans

we get coffee

I accomplish at least 1 wedding related task, usually envolving an errand

I go to work

I come home

I go to bed.

DO IT AGAIN!

Even on my day (only 1) off I either spend time with my family and not get shit done, or vis versa.

I know that I am a list maker, a planner, a girl with a project. Right now I have way too many projects. I like to think I could pass some of these tasks on to someone else, but I’m also anal and controlling. I wouldn’t even know where to start in dolling out duties. Not that I don’t occasionally lie around the house and do nothing, I do that too. But while I’m doing that I’m usually at least thinking or worrying about what I should be doing. Or I’m blogging, or making lists, or looking up ideas online. It kind of non stop in my head.

I really miss cooking. I miss being domestic and just keeping my house nice. The thought of spending every evening making dinner and sitting on the patio (that we don’t even have time to use) with Mr. Gaunt and just chilling out sounds amazing. Instead its making boutonniers, and having stuff printed, and doing paintings, and trying to lose weight….the list goes on.

After the wedding hopefully we can take a REAL Honeymoon and just spend a week doing NOTHING but enjoying each others company and being blissful newlyweds! No moving, no planning, no job switching, just living day to day life….nice.

We should be here…

 

 

Sleep it Off

Yesterday was kind of a blah day for me. I felt horribly tired and sad, so I took a nice long nap, and then laid on the couch. Oh well. The closer the wedding gets the more I tend to let my feelings about things overwhelm me. I’m working on it.

Weight loss is going splendidly. I’m down about 12 pounds, and am only 2 pounds away from my end of my goal (to lose 15 pounds). Besides our hike on Saturday I didn’t work out this weekend, but today I will be starting again. My MOH came up this weekend and brought me some heavier weights. I’m going to youtube some videos on how to use them. I’d really love to get my arms firmer. Oh and we saw Bridesmaids…amazing…especially the part with Wilson Philips, as I sang Hold On in my 2nd grade talent show, hand signs and all.

I’ve decided since I’m now working in an office (and not in a hardware store) to try to grow my nails out. I don’t bite them, but they have always stayed short because of the line of work I was in. It’s a silly goal, but it would be nice to have them for the wedding.

I really think I want to finish Mere Christianity by C.S Lewis this summer. I started it a long time ago and found it very challenging, but I think it would be a good place to let my brain go and wander around.

I bought an amazing sweatshirt at Goodwill yesterday that has a screen print of a screaming squirrel on it. It’s so weird I should take a picture of it to show you.

I have major Honeymoon on the brain. Mr. Gaunt and I on a tropical vacation, just the two of us. Sigh, sounds freaking amazing! If I can manage to work enough overtime this summer, were doing it!

Happy Monday!!!

Sweat Out the Toxins

I was having lots of icky feelings about a number of things going on in the world today. Since this is not (nor ever will be) a political blog, I will refrain from details. However sometimes it is hard to accept different opinions on things. In my head I of course think I am right, and anyone who I would associate with should feel the same way. Obviously this is not true. Coming from someone who tends to lean pretty severely in one direction on the political scale, I really do feel as I have gotten older that I am more accepting, and more rational when it comes to dealing with contrasting opinions. This week on Facebook, although I kept pretty tight-lipped about things, I felt nothing but frustration for the “friends” who were disagreeing with me. I even found myself arguing with Mr. Gaunt just to get my frustrations out. Not healthy.

So I went and worked out.

I walked down to the baseball diamond and did my 10 laps. I wont lie to you and say I ran them, because I am not physically in shape enough to do much running at all. for the first 4 laps I ran half of the lap and walked half. For the last 5 laps I walk…fast. In total Mr. Gaunt and I calculated that it is just over 3 miles.  I came home feeling hot and sweaty, but a little less bogged down by the world. I blame endorphins. (=

Seriously, thats what the inside of my onion looked like.

I’m feeling really good about the choices I am making. I am down almost 5 pounds since 2 weeks ago, which means only 5 more pounds by the end of May to reach my first goal. Pretty sure I can do that. I have 2 pairs of Capris and 2 pairs of knee-length shorts that I am dying to fit back into by June! The knee-length shorts look kinda like these which are surprisingly flattering, but they really only fit for the first month I owned them, at my lowest weight a year ago. I’m hoping they will be my go to shorts all summer long.

This Old House

Oh hey, I moved!

Sorry that this is the first update, its been a bit of a transition moving to Washington (from Colorado) but I finally have something worthy of talking about.

So prior to us moving here, my mom found us a little old house to move into. For the last 3 years we had been living in very nice upgraded condo, but never had  a yard or a patio or anything like that. We knew when we moved to Bellingham that we wanted a different sort of living situation. Something that well help us focus more on the lifestyle we want to live.

Now I will be the first to say that I had a minor freak out when my mom and I met with the landlords on day one. I knew the house would be older and wouldn’t have the brand new shiny appliances I had been a custom to. However I was not prepared for the dirty grimyness of the place. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of money and work that would need to go into a place we were just renting. On top of that, Mr. Gaunt is till in Colorado, and he is the one that keeps me focused, keeps me level-headed.

So I went back and forth on how I felt about the house. Was the work worth the benefits? Could I handle crazy unreliable landlords that felt it fine to leave a bathroom unpainted and house uncleaned? (note: I spoke with them about having it professionally cleaned, and they are giving me a $150 budget to pay someone to clean)

During all of this I am living at my moms on her couch with all my stuff spilling out of suitcases. I’m a bit in the way, and my 4.5 years of life in Colorado has definitely changed the way I look at life and things a bit. Its been hard. Not stepping on people’s toes, not freaking out. I’m not really  a “go with the flow” kinda girl (I’ll add it to my very long list of NEEDS IMPROVEMENT).  All in all my minor freak out turned into a balls out yelling and crying freak out…..ugg.

So I did what I always do, I called Mr. Gaunt.  And we talked for an hour. Talked about the pros and the cons of everything. Talked about all our plans that we had. Talked about how to clam me down and focus. Needless to say I’m pretty pleased I am marrying his butt.

Last night (after said total meltdown) my sister and I went back over to the house to make a video for Mr. Gaunt.  Being there at night actually made the place feel warmer and cozier than in the day.  And my sister was really great at pointing out all the cute things, and agreeing at all the dirty things. I felt better overall. This might work.

So Mr. Gaunt (I say this, because although he is not here, we are a team) and I have hired a family friend to come in and do a good cleaning, using the $150 our landlords will pay, and then paying whatever else on our own. After that I have to get some repair supplies, paint, contact paper, etc. And spend the next few weeks making this funky old house a home.

So I leave you with the Video we made for Mr. Gaunt. Please ignore my dorky voice and commentary. Oh and because it was night I was unable to film the yard (which is almost the best part). I will do a 2nd video of that later….maybe today.