Raising Vada: It’s In The Stars

As a BIRTH-day gift my mom bought Vada and I an astrological reading, to be conducted after she was born. My mom has a friend that does them, and had her own done a few years ago. She knew that I was sort of interested in Astrology, and that it would be a cool thing for us to pre-visualize the type of person Vada may become.

I will say now that Astrology is not for everyone. I believe anyone going in for a reading should look at it with an open mind and remember that it’s not FACT or TRUTH, but more of a spiritual idea about what may be…

We gave Kat Bula (our Astrologer) the date, time, and location of both Vada and my birth. Then she created the chart, and sent me a questionnaire about what sort of things I might want information on. This helps her focus her study on a few life events as opposed to just a broad reading. I wrote the following on my questionnaire:

-Mother Daughter Relationships

-Growing my Family/Family Planning

-Entrepreneurship (also in relation to family)

Tonight Kat came over and sat with me on my couch, and while my cellphone recorded the hour and half consultation, she showed me what was in the stars for Vada and I. It was quite possibly one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. It felt like therapy, only without all the frustrations of FIGURING IT OUT over months and months. It was like she already knew the questions I would ask, the things the wore me down, and she had flat-out ANSWERS to some of my relationship worries.

Having a complete stranger sit down and immediately say “You were born to have two great paths in life. To be a mother, and to work. Your paths run parallel to each other and are equally strong. You will not be able to get away from either one.  It would not have been possible for you to NOT become a mother, and it will not be possible for you to make motherhood your work. You will feel the pains of balancing these two things more than most women will ever know, or could ever understand. This does not make you a bad mother, in fact you will be a better mother than most women” brought me to tears.

I left feeling like I knew myself more, and got a secret glimpse into who Vada will become. Here are some notes from our session that she sent me afterward, although I have the entire thing on tape, which I plan to listen to at least once a year on Vada’s birthday, if not more often. I seriously recommend EVERYONE have this done. It felt so inspiring and comforting. I am not a person of religious faith, but I am a person who believes in destiny, life paths, and that everything happens for a reason. This felt life changing at a point in time where life felt like it was going to break me. I haven’t blogged much simply because I have been at a loss for how to describe what’s going on with me. These notes Kat sent me from our sessions bring it all to light.

NOTES FROM OUR READING:

-Through 2014 (I looked this up), and particularly right now and in November, you’re dealing with your Saturn Return.  That is to say, you’re involved in a major life turning point where you’re sorting out what you want to create for your life and which structures need to be in place to support that, and which to let go of.  Ride it out, and do the work even when it’s hard.  Specifically: yes, you can (and must) balance family and career.  You are not a bad mom if you work, and you don’t have to neglect your child and partner in order to be creatively fulfilled in the world.  You just have to figure out what that balance looks like on a day-to-day level for you.

-It’s okay to sometimes feel resentful of the limitations you face as a result of your responsibility for your family.  Don’t try to stuff it and pretend you don’t feel it.  Vada will still feel it, and she won’t be able to understand it.  Better to process it in a safe space–making art, in a journal, exercising, talking with Jay or Linda or other friends or a therapist… whatever your strategy is for working through stuff.  You are not a bad mom for feeling this.

-You and Vada have lots to learn from one another!  She gives you the opportunity to work out your balance of responsibility to loved ones vs. responsibility to yourself to create your work in the world.  You get to teach her what you already know about how to share power with other people, making friends, etc.

-Vada’s a super emotional, intuitive person.  She will respond much more to “vibes” than words. 

-Physical affection from both of you will really help her stay grounded and feel safe and loved.  As stable a home environment as you can manage will also help.

-Vada may fear your temper, whether it’s explosive or held beneath the surface.  Take care in how you express criticism/disapproval.  Remember that she’s more sensitive to tone than words.  Be sure she can feel that you love her, even when you don’t love what she’s doing.

-“Is this criticism something I really need to express?  What will happen if I don’t?”  –Ask yourself this, and teach Vada to ask herself this, too.

-Vada will need a lot of gentle support learning to understand and work with her feelings, especially with peers.  She’ll also need help learning to share control with her friends about what happens during playtime, or on a group project, etc.  Actually, this goes for sharing, period.  Resist the urge to try to control her decisions about how and when to express herself with her peers.  Help her see why you have the opinion you have, but empower her to make the decision for herself.  (Unless someone’s in real danger or something, obviously.)

-Vada will likely feel more comfortable with your style of expression than Jay’s.  She may feel like she can’t “read” him and wonder if he’s hiding his real feelings from her.  This is another thing that may be eased by lots of hugs, etc., which will give her something nonverbal to “read”.

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Amazing right? It was so much more than this too, but these were the things we focused on. It’s like it narrows down the HUGE WIDE WORLD OF PARENTING into a smaller more manageable idea. Things I can put energy into before I cause damage to our relationship! She said things like “I bet you have a hard time dealing with your desire to be a perfectionist and not being aggressive in your demands from others” NAIL ON HEAD FOLKS! It never stopped, over and over she told me things about myself in the most loving way possible. She made me feel like my flaws were SUPPOSE to be there. That my personality is my destiny and my life is simply learning to use it all.

We talked about even more specific things like having more children “you could have 20 children, and be an amazing mother to them all, but it will make it harder to fulfill your NEED to continue to work and fulfill yourself. One child will make this less difficult.”  “Vada will be ok with siblings, and Vada will be ok without siblings” I KNOW! ITS EVERYTHING IVE BEEN OBSESSING OVER!

I know this all comes off as very personal to me, but I wanted to share it with others in hopes that they may seek out a similar experience. I went to a year of couple therapy (which was also very beneficial) but was never able to get this much insight and answers about my life. I’m planning on having Mr. Gaunt’s chart done too now. I suppose people who are not as introspective as I am may not get quite as much out of it, but I still think it is a wonderful wonderful gift to be able to experience this. HUGE THANK YOU TO MY MOM for this experience. (I’m going to have our duel chart framed and matted for her room)