Worthy

The last few weeks have been a little hard. I’m unemployed, and feeling very poor, and very dependent on others. Not an ideal situation. Whenever I’m in a position like this I always feel really spoiled. I feel like I have too much, that I get to do too much, that I take too much. Who am I to be so poor and yet be surrounded by everything I could ever need? It feels yucky. It feels like I am too self indulgent, and too needy. Do I make bad decisions?  Is the rest of the 20-something world making better choices than I am? Are they working harder and spending less? Are they giving more, saving more, appreciating it all? Did they all make better job choices? School choices? Relationship choices?

There are times in my life where I feel proud of what I have accomplished. I feel pride in my home, my family, my husband. I feel ahead of the curve, like I am moving forward in my life. Other times I feel lost, and pathetic, like I’m just not accomplishing enough. Does everyone feel this way?

I’ve stopped comparing myself to others. I know everyone is making mistakes. I know some people want what I have, and some people don’t. I know some people think I’m making silly choices, and some people think I’m brave. Today though, I just feel a little bit down, not brave, not successful, just an unemployed girl, with too much stuff, and nothing to give.

I can’t wait to start working again. I know for a fact that I could never be a stay at home mom, it just wouldn’t be for me. I flat-out don’t get enough gratification in homemaking. I do however hope to have a job that allow me to work from home, so I can be on my own schedule, and mix both work and home into my daily routine, but I know I need to work. I like working. I like being productive, I like using my brain, I like dealing with situations and different people. Like I said, I’m excited to start working soon. HOPEFULLY I will start next week. **fingers crossed**

Tonight I’m making a pot roast, some Oatmeal Cocoa Cookies, and watching Parenthood. I’m sending out Birthday cards to my two best friends, and folding tiny baby clothes for another. I harvested my garden, blanched and froze all my Kale. I’m trying to keep busy, on top of laundry, and the yard. I’m trying very hard to feel worthwhile. I know this is just a rough spot, and that my family and my husband are beyond supportive of me. I know they love me, I know we will be fine. And Happy.

We wont be coming in today.

This is what Mr. Gaunt told our boss today. We are taking a personal day to get some things done. I have 2 paintings that need to be shipped out tonight. One is going to Stephanie Nielson for her blogs Handmade Holiday review. I am VERY excited about this! Her blog is very popular (for instance, my blog has 45,000 views, and her blog has 800,000 views) so this could be a really amazing opportunity for us. Plus I have a stencil proof that is going in for revisions, hopefully will sell by the 12th so I can ship it out in time for Christmas.

I also NEED  a few new paintbrushes, like these…drool:

Maybe I will use this:

And then of course the house needs a good scrub down and some more laundry needs to be done.

Per my mom and my little sister I started taking 5HTP which basically is an all natural supplement that helps with:

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Controls Appetite

-Boosts Metabolism

-Relieves Insomnia

-Reduces the signs of PMS, Headaches, and Fibromyalgia.

Anyway my sisters been taking it for a year now and she swears it works. So I’m giving it a shot, along with Green Tea Pills which are supposed to help with appetite control as well. Mr. Gaunt bought me a pill-box and divided them all up for me. This morning when I woke up to go to work, and then had a complete crumpled on the floor break down, Mr. Gaunt handed me my pills and called in to work. How I love him.

I have to work my other job tonight, but that I can manage. It’s that dreaded real job that can so easily throw me into a sobbing pile on the floor.

So today will be good and productive! Wish me luck!

 

Might I have 3 jobs?

Tonight is my first night at my new job. I’m excited and nervous, and a little scared. Not really because of the job, more because I realized today that this is my 3rd job. I have my “real” full-time job that I go to Monday-Friday 6-2:30. And then I have my “please please please one day make enough to be my real job” job of doing custom paintings. This I work on 1-2 hours daily, but is not something I get paid hourly for, obviously. And now my new part-time seasonal job, that will be 12-16 hours a week through February. It’s a lot to wrap my head around, and I worry I may be pushing myself past my limit. However there are BIG goals in sight and I need to buckle down and make them happen!

Today was full of laundry and grocery shopping. I’m starting Weight Watchers again tomorrow night, which I am SOOO excited about (and will do a long post tomorrow after the meeting) and yesterday was a Octoberfest Beer Tasting at a friend’s house (Pumpkin Whoopie Pies were a huge hit, and I will post that later too).

I’m hoping all this work will only keep me busy enough not to let my mind get all crazy with anticipation of moving and wedding, but not keep me too busy so that I have no time to blog or love my man. Speaking of Mr. Gaunt, I will be leaning on him a lot to do the “house husband” duties, and I’m sure he will be amazingly supportive as always.

And so I leave you with some adorable pictures of Hula, because until we have kids she is my baby and I think she is just precious!

Week One Weigh In!

Birthday dinner September 12th 2010

Week One Total Loss – 3 Pounds

Mr. Gaunt Loss – 2 Pounds

Woop! That’s not too bad! I ate pretty healthy this week. I only had two lattes, and we made some pretty great dinners. One night I made mashed Sweet Potatoes with Edmame, brocoli and a little turkey sausage all combined. It was amazing! Then Mr. Gaunt made a squash and zucchini stir fry. And last night we went out to eat and got veggies burgers with fruit as our side.

As for running, we completed 4 days of running and have to one more today. They encourage you to take at least every third day off to give your muscles a break, so we took Thursday off. The running itself isn’t too bad, our muscles got really sore on Wednesday, so sore we were both hobbling around like old people. It’s hard to find a rhythm of briskly jogging and not being too winded. We are both just very out of shape, and neither of us have ever been runners.

On a side note my new shoes might be the most comfortable shoes ever!

Next week the plan changes up a bit, which I will post about on Sunday. I’m a little nervous, but will give it my best effort. Today I have an interview for a part-time seasonal position at Pier 1, I’m a little nervous to start working two jobs, but I just have to focus on the goal and stick it out. So far switching to Mr. Gaunt’s team at work is working out very nicely too.

HAPPY SATURDAY TO EVERYONE!

Were serious about getting in shape!