Friends?

I think once you are out of school, Making, Having and Keeping friends is one of the hardest things in life.

It is definitely something I have struggled with over the last 8 years since I graduated High School (jeeze). Especially now that most of my friends are in relationships, working, and even having kids. It becomes harder and harder the more we have going on in our lives.

And why is it so hard?

I guess part of it is that we are busy, and its easier to just come home and sit on the couch with the people you are comfortable with. Not have to “make conversation” or “find things in common” its just chill and easy.

Another thing is Lifestyle. When you are in highschool, besides your home life, you and all your friends are pretty much living the same lifestyle. Same schedule, same goals, same shit going on. As we all get older, our lifestyles change greatly. I have friends that are married, some with kids, some without. I have friends in School, some with jobs, some without. I have Gay friends, and straight friends. I have friends who are living off their parents, or spouses, or the government. I have friends who love their jobs, who hate their jobs, and friends without jobs. I have friends who have a strong relationship with god, or with community service, or with travel. Very few friends are living the same life style. Even when it comes down to little things like food. I have friends who only eat Vegan, or Organic, or are Red Meat loving folks.

All these different lifestyle make it confusing to mesh together. What will you talk about? Where will you go? What will you eat?

And the judgemet….ooooh the judgement. Not that we are all judging each other necessarily, but we judge ourselves amongst these people who live differently. They are richer. They eat organic, they are better. They have a happier relationship. Their house is nicer. They actually like their job. It becomes a total head game of “how do I compare” which makes any and all social encouters….awkward.

And then there are the spouses. Just because we are friends, does that mean our spouses have to be friends too? Should we always double date? Should there be a BroMance here? And if there’s not….is it awkward?

Right now I feel torn. I am no longer a Party Girl. I do not really have parties, and I do not really go out partying. However I do like a once a month or every few months, go all out getting drunk at the bar night. And I miss that. I miss getting dressed up, and dancing! Often times though I feel like my friends who want to do that don’t necessarily understand the crossing of the line. They want to get shit faced 3 nights a week, or hit on guys, or just make a fool of themselves. Which is FINE, I’m just not in that place anymore. I want the occasional Party Girl, not the Party Life.

Now that I am getting married, and have babies on the brain, I desperately want to belong in the “mommy crowd” too! And not just the mommy crowd, but the wife crowd. Women who are also a bit settled down. Women who want to sit around and watch a good Rom-Com with some wine and eat fun cheese. I want women who will gossip with me about clothing and gardening and weight loss, and holidays! Women who are into their homes, or their yards, or trashy celebrity gossip! I want a friend who will come over and do henna tattoos while we jam out to Britney Spears! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!!

Whoa. Calm down.

But I don’t have kids yet, so I know that puts a big kink in things. As people who have kids want to talk about their kids, and people who don’t have kids, do want to necessarily hear you talk about your kids.

But seriously. I WANT to be social. I want to re connect with my old friends and make new ones too! I want to be brave enough to invite people over for dinner (despite the fact that we may eat differently) or game nights! I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, in my house, or anywhere. I want to say YES to invitations to go places, and NO to sitting at home alone!

So that’s where I’m at. It’s hard to be social. It’s hard to be ok with yourself and with your friends. It’s hard to break out of your shell. I promise I’m working on it….really.

Does anyone else find this whole friend thing difficult?

This Old House

Oh hey, I moved!

Sorry that this is the first update, its been a bit of a transition moving to Washington (from Colorado) but I finally have something worthy of talking about.

So prior to us moving here, my mom found us a little old house to move into. For the last 3 years we had been living in very nice upgraded condo, but never had  a yard or a patio or anything like that. We knew when we moved to Bellingham that we wanted a different sort of living situation. Something that well help us focus more on the lifestyle we want to live.

Now I will be the first to say that I had a minor freak out when my mom and I met with the landlords on day one. I knew the house would be older and wouldn’t have the brand new shiny appliances I had been a custom to. However I was not prepared for the dirty grimyness of the place. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of money and work that would need to go into a place we were just renting. On top of that, Mr. Gaunt is till in Colorado, and he is the one that keeps me focused, keeps me level-headed.

So I went back and forth on how I felt about the house. Was the work worth the benefits? Could I handle crazy unreliable landlords that felt it fine to leave a bathroom unpainted and house uncleaned? (note: I spoke with them about having it professionally cleaned, and they are giving me a $150 budget to pay someone to clean)

During all of this I am living at my moms on her couch with all my stuff spilling out of suitcases. I’m a bit in the way, and my 4.5 years of life in Colorado has definitely changed the way I look at life and things a bit. Its been hard. Not stepping on people’s toes, not freaking out. I’m not really  a “go with the flow” kinda girl (I’ll add it to my very long list of NEEDS IMPROVEMENT).  All in all my minor freak out turned into a balls out yelling and crying freak out…..ugg.

So I did what I always do, I called Mr. Gaunt.  And we talked for an hour. Talked about the pros and the cons of everything. Talked about all our plans that we had. Talked about how to clam me down and focus. Needless to say I’m pretty pleased I am marrying his butt.

Last night (after said total meltdown) my sister and I went back over to the house to make a video for Mr. Gaunt.  Being there at night actually made the place feel warmer and cozier than in the day.  And my sister was really great at pointing out all the cute things, and agreeing at all the dirty things. I felt better overall. This might work.

So Mr. Gaunt (I say this, because although he is not here, we are a team) and I have hired a family friend to come in and do a good cleaning, using the $150 our landlords will pay, and then paying whatever else on our own. After that I have to get some repair supplies, paint, contact paper, etc. And spend the next few weeks making this funky old house a home.

So I leave you with the Video we made for Mr. Gaunt. Please ignore my dorky voice and commentary. Oh and because it was night I was unable to film the yard (which is almost the best part). I will do a 2nd video of that later….maybe today.

Date Night

In all efforts Mr. Gaunt and I try to stay in love as much as possible. Dont get me wrong, there are days when we hate each others guts, but for the most part we try to live in love. Because I’m a floozy and I move in with boyfriends very quickly, Mr. Gaunt and I really never “dated” perse. I mean we would meet for lunch, and go out drinking with friends, but there was very little courting. He didn’t pick me up at my house and take me out to dinner or movies or anything like that. Most of the time I could care less about those kinds of things, but every now and then I think how much I would like to go on dates.

Mr. Gaunt is on an endless path to show me how much our relationship means to me (yes ladies be jealous…lol!) For real I often feel like he works 10x harder than I do, but I know that isn’t really true. We each have our own unique way of showing we care and putting effort in the relationship. For me its making good food and taking pictures of our family and all the little creative inspiration that keeps us entertained. I feel good about what I put into it too.

Anyway last Friday Mr. Gaunt decided we were going to go a date! Yipee! Originally he had planned for us to take Tango dancing lessons, but I sort of vetoed, Id rather do ballroom or salsa, tango seems too Adams Family. So instead we decided to do dinner and a walk through the park in Denver. We went to Pete’s Greek Restaurant, because I LOVE Greek food and Mr. Gaunt and I had never really been to real Greek food together. It was amazing, of course:

After that we went to City Park and watched the sun set and the fountains light up. We had wanted to go to the Botanical Gardens, but they were hosting some event that evening. The cutest part of the evening though was when we got to watch this guy propose to his girlfriend. I made a video, but I dont know how to upload it (MR. GAUNT HELP!) it was so stinking cute I cried…lol! Best date night EVER!

He was waiting forever for her to arrive.

SHE SAID YES!

The Perfect Sunday Man

For anyone who has lived closely with me(Mr. Gaunt)knows that Sundays are the bane of my existence. The love hate relationship I have with them, often turns me into a bitchy crying unproductive bump on a log.

Sundays for me are usually:

– Wanting/needing to go grocery shopping, but being too poor.

-Having a mountain of laundry to do, with no quarters, or no time to do it.

-A messy disgusting house that usually puts me in such a funk that I can’t even manage to clean it.

-So much stress that the weekend is almost over and I will have to return to work, that I can’t accomplish anything.

It’s all very pathetic and like I said, unproductive. Sundays are often the day when I let the little things get to me and the world comes tumbling down. The weather pisses me off, money stresses me out, I cry over my lack of house wife skills, and of course any and all feelings of weight/body image comes up. Lets just say Sundays and I are not friends.

At our company picnic on Friday. Drinking Sangria and 11am

Today however was the PERFECT Sunday, in fact, it was the best day of the week! And as cheesy and mushy it is to say, it was all because of my Perfect Sunday Man.

Mr. Gaunt and I have been going through a lot this last week, money, insecurities, family issues, but somehow our communication and ability to understand each other is stronger than ever. He’s been talking to me about his feelings like he never has before. I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful partner. I know that women say “You can’t change a man” but sometimes they just offer up change all on their own. And if your lucky they thank you for inspiring them to do so.

I came home late last night after hanging out with friends to find my ENTIRE house cleaned and all of the laundry sorted! Holy Shit! He even organized my closet and cleaned up my makeup area!  He was in bed all snoring, so I woke him up and kissed him bunches and we laid together and talked to each other for almost and hour. I slept very well. Today he let me sleep in (which is something I NEVER do) until almost ELEVEN! Then he went to the grocery store and bought Whole Wheat Pancake mix, cantaloupe, and stuff to make Mimosas! He made a very yummy breakfast and we ate and listened to Iron and Wine Pandora. We are on the hunt to find the perfect Indie Love song for our first dance at the Wedding.

After Breakfast I laid on the couch and read the two magazines that I have been ignoring for the last week. REAL SIMPLE and Whole Living (previously Body+Soul). My interest in cooking has been at an all time low this summer, as well as blogging, Foodgawker, and all food/health magazines. I’m not sure why I’ve lost interest, but its made me sad. Today though I sat back, relaxed and let myself fall back into the world of amazing food, cooking for my family, and living healthy. It felt so nice, like the old me. I even found a new food blog to crush on Dinner A Love Story. Check it out.

While I read Mr. Gaunt gave me a foot and calf masage…drool…unitl I fell asleep. And so we napped on the couch, for four hours…lol! It was so amazing. One of those naps that you have no regret during and no neck kinks afterward. It’s now 4pm so Mr. Gaunt and I do laundry, that was already nicely sorted and waiting in laundry baskets, quarters on hand.

Then we spent some time searching the web for a recipe to use some ground Turkey and Yellow squash we had. I found this recipe that SHOCKINGLY we had every ingredient on hand…yipee! So we made it, and it was amazing, and a blog post will be up tomorrow on it.

At our favorite restaurant Merles in Littleton on our 1 month of being engaged anniversary.

Part of the reason for our lazy sunday was that it was a SCORCHER out today, and Mr. Gaunt made it clear that I was not to step outside. Heat makes me super bitch, seriously. After dinner when it had cooled down to high 70s…lol…we finished some laundry and went swimming in our pool. While swimming we talked about our plan to start running. Yup, we have made a plan! We are gonna try the “run 1 minute, walk 3 minutes” until we can work up to longer sprints. Neither of us are runners, but we want to start, and we don’t have the money to pay for gym memberships. So we are gonna start Monday. I’m really hoping to get new shoes for my birthday, I’m pretty sure I want the Reebok Easy Tone They’re kinda like the Sketchers Step-ups only not super ugly.

After swimming we went up to Whole Foods and got Green Tea Ice cream and stuff for smoothies. I also decided to switch up our regular Cliff Bars and try the Odwalla Bars They are lower in fat (2g vs 6g) and were on sale, plus they have a Mocha flavor that I really wanted to try. I’ll give you a review next week after I’ve had a few flavors.

So now we are just sitting on the couch winding down. Next week I’m gonna talk to my boss AGAIN about transferring to Mr. Gaunt’s team, it’s all taking forever. I also think I might try to get a part-time seasonal job this winter. We finally sat down and budgeted the wedding, and if we are going to be able to pay for everything without getting into debt we need to make some extra money. Yes it will suck to work so much, but it will be worth it to be less stressed when we move and get married.  So I’ll be looking into this in the coming months. We are also in the beginning stages of building our credit, and deciding whether to keep my car or not. Until then my focus is and will continue to be the happiness and success of my family. And Thank you Mr. Gaunt for turning a usually crappy Sunday into a Perfect Sunday. Love.

Im Back!

Well that was a nice long break, from everything. The worst part of Vacations is that they have to end…sad day. Lots of stuff has happened in the last week, so I’ll break it down for yah:

1. WE GOT ENGAGED!

Oh yes we did! Mr. Gaunt proposed to me the evening of July 10th on the boardwalk at Boulevard park in Bellingham Washington. It was late sunset and their were fireworks across the bay. We also watched the midnight Kayakers in the water just before. It was very romantic. He got down on one knee and I cried a bunch, I’m that kind of girl. At this point I have a temporary ring until we have one made for us. As far as wedding plans, we are thinking Fall of 2011 in Washington. So we have a good 14 months to save up and plan everything. I of course went out and bought my first Bridal Magazine…woop woop! Im very excited to plan it all, I just have to remember to stay calm and pace myself…lol! financially we plan on paying for most of the wedding ourselves, which will be a challenge. Did you know the average American wedding costs $22,000! Obviously we have NO intentions of spending that much money. However I do want it to be very special, and I want all of my friends and family to come and have a great time, so we will have to spend a bit. Traditionally the Father of the Bride pays for most of the wedding, but my father will not be contributing at all. My mom and Grandparents will be doing all of our food which is a big expensive, and I am so grateful that they can help. As for the rest we are just going to have to be creative and money savvy.

I wont bore you with tons of wedding stuff on this blog, so I plan to stick to “Wedding Wednesday” posts. Just updating on what we are planning and making and all that good stuff. So until then we are just enjoying being newly engaged!

2. MOVING

Mr. Gaunt and I had the most fabulous time in Washington. I was so glad that I got to show him some of the cooler sides of the state including a private island where we spent the 4th of July. He got to play in the ocean and eat good food and hike in the beautiful forests of the area. I think he is super excited to move now, at least I hope he is. Our plan at this point is to move in April of 2011 (about 6 months before the wedding) to either Olympia or Bellingham. Each city has its Pros and Cons, so we will just have to figure out which area offers us the best jobs and housing. Again we have 9 months to figure all of that out, including saving money. We figure we will need around $3,000 to move (moving truck, rent, time off work, etc) so that’s going to be a challenge.

3. THE CAR

So about 2 months ago I bought a used car, and after at least 5 trips to the repair shop and over $1500 (payed by the seller) in work, the car gives me bad vibes. It runs fine, but it’s just not what I want, and its caused a lot of stress for a lot of people. Also with all this money we need to save the last thing we want is a car payment. So after talking to our parents we have decided to sell the car. It’s a great car with low mileage (and a bunch of new parts) so I can’t imagine it will be a hard sell. The only problem is that will bring us to one car. Most of the time this isnt really an issue, except for work. I travel anywhere from 30-60 minutes each way to get to my job. Mr. Gaunt does about half that time. We both have to be at work at 6am, posing the problem. Mr.Gaunt is going to talk to his boss tomorrow about me joining his team so we can carpool.

4. JOB IS  FOUR LETTER WORD

Although I’m not surprised, I am a little disappointed in myself the 9 months into my job, I’m pretty much over it. We just aren’t clicking anymore. It’s a number of things, supervisors, work load, mundane tasks, overall its just not a good match. Of course this isn’t news to me. I have never been good at working a job that I wasnt passionate about. I get bored and lethargic and bitchy. I’ve had a number of people tell me “But you get paid so much to change lightbulbs!” but to me, its just not worth it. This might sound ungrateful or naive, but that’s me. I’m a little extreme in my emotions, I’m always trying to improve my life and spice things up. In the long run I may be falling into unhealthy patterns, but until then I need to strive for more.

Mr. Gaunt and I are putting along on our little painting business. We are working on our 3rd example painting, and have 3 more lined up. WE talked a bit with my mom about prices and other such business topics. I’m really hoping that this will bring in some of the much needed savings we need to build up.

Until then I have to pull myself out of bed every morning and convince myself all afternoon to not walk out on my job. I have a family (Mr. Gaunt) that I need to be there for. I have to do it for us and for our future, I just need to keep my eye on the prize and know that I am capable of doing better if I put my mind to it.

5. WEIGHT LOSS

I need to lose 50 more pounds by my wedding…lol! Thats about all I have to say. We are back on track with a fridge full of healthy choices. I am looking up instant watch workout videos on our Netflix. Its gonna be tough, but I’m not trying on a single wedding dress until I feel good about myself.

For a weight loss blog you would think I would have more to say about that…lol!

WRAP UP:

So as you can see the next year is going to be a bit of a wild ride for us. I’m super excited and super scared. I am so thrilled to have such a wonderful man by my side to help me keep level-headed. I want to thank all of our friends and family for being so supportive of our relationship and life choices, we love you all! And so I leave you with a select few (of the 300 I took) of my favorite pics from our vacation!

Me and a Giant Vegan Hotdog!

On a Boat in Olympia

In the Forest surrounding Evergreen State College

Our hike to the "beach"

My best friend Mallory and I on the 4th at our cabin

The view off our cabins deck of the Puget Sound

making Guac

Aaron and Mr. Gaunt playing the Grand

Mr. Gaunt and My brother searching for sea life

Mom and a starfish

Look what he found!

Our hike on the island

Being brave, I didnt let him go any further

Digging for clams

by the seashore

Getting my grove on

Luvin on me Kells

First time swimming in a lake!

My beautiful fiance!

Just Engaged!

A Skinny Dress and Couples Therapy!

So my lovely Pro has been more or less two sizes smaller than me throughout our weight loss journey. This has been a huge PLUS because that means she gives me her pants that she grows out of just in time for me to start shrinking into them.  Pro (that skinny bitch!) decided to skip a whole size recently so now there are no pants for me to work into…damn you Pro! When I started my weight loss journey I had a fair amount of SKINNY CLOTHES that I needed to shrink into (my New York Dress FITS! My Red Pea Coat FITS!) but now I can fit into all of them and most of them are too big. At this point I have nothing really to shrink into (Kelli if you are reading this, save any pants you have and give them to me in March when I come!) so I’m lacking in motivation.  I actually heard on the radio around Christmas time, that reasearch shows the best way for women to lose weight is to buy an outfit in a smaller size. You see I LOVE LOVE LOVE clothes! It’s probably my biggest motivation in Weight loss, fitting into more clothes! I would be a crazy Lindsey Lohan Clothing Hoarder if I could!

Tonight Mr. Gaunt and I went to Savers and I found the perfect SKINNY dress! It is actually…..hold your breath….a size ELEVEN! Yes that is right 11! I case you didn’t know, I do NOT wear an eleven! In fact a size 10 is my goal size, so eleven sounds pretty damn good. The dress currently kind of fits, but its tight, too tight to wear in public….panty lines anyone? I would love for this dress to fit comfortably this summer, its perfect for Mr. Gaunt and I’s July photo shoot! When I put it on the first thing Mr. Gaunt said was “Its kind of like a casual wedding dress” which it is, in a beachy sort of way. I really love it.

So that is my current goal, to make this dress fit!

In other news Mr. Gaunt and I have decided to go to couples therapy! Why you ask? Are we having problems? Well no not really, but there are definitely things we could stand to work on. The last year has definitely been our best year yet, but there are definitely the occasional communication struggles. Also Mr. Gaunt and I plan to get married in the near-ish future, and I want to make sure we are discussing the right things: Kids, Raising a family, jobs, roles…etc. So that when we are married we don’t suddenly realize we have completely different ideas on how things should go. Anyway we are actually going to a therapist that Mr. Gaunt and his mom have both gone to a lot in the past (although not in a few years) this pleases me because he will already know a lot about Mr. Gaunt’s family dynamic and his relationship with his mom. I’ve never been to therapy, but I sure do love to talk about myslef…ha! So we have a tentative appoint for next thursday. I will keep you updated on how this goes!

Oh and I leave you with some dresses that were cute but I didnt purchase.