Did I age this year?

Happy Saturday folks!

I’m cleaning the house today, and Mr. Gaunt is watching the Broncos game. We are obviously in full on BRONCO MANIA here in this house. I pretend to care about the Broncos, but the truth is, I don’t. I don’t understand the game, and I find it boring. I also have a lot of negative opinions about the NFL and pro sports in general, but that aside. I have a Broncos shirt, I buy Mr. Gaunt Broncos stuff, and I claim the Denver Broncos as “My Team”, but seriously, I don’t care at all.  I decided a few years ago to support my husbands sports love, and I think it was a really good relationship decision. Its one of the more mature things I have done in our relationship. I could hate it, bitch about, and let it be a wedge between us, but instead I have accepted it. Honestly, it give us something to bond over (kind of), it makes Mr. Gaunt (and his friends) immensely happy, and it has taken the sports resentment out of our relationship. Not that I don’t occasionally want to scream SHUT THAT GAME OFF, or get pissed that we cant do something becasue the Broncos are playing, but in general, pretending to love the Broncos has been one of the best ways for me to ACTUALLY love my husband. Sad that they lost tonight.





Which brings me to today’s post, growing up. I’m not talking about age (well, maybe I am) but maturity. I feel like in the last two weeks, since 2013 started, I have suddenly decided to think a little more before I speak. I have also decided to eliminate some of the “drama” that I watched on FB (not involved in, just voyeurism) because although it can be entertaining in the moment, I realized I was taking some of those feelings with me all day, and that is unhealthy. I am also trying really hard to not get involved in family judgement, be more respectful to Mr. Gaunt, and be overall happier with myself. Say what?

I read this list the other day:  15 Things That Will Guaranteed Happen to you in Your Twenties.

And while I don’t agree with all of them, numbers 1, 3, 4, 12/13, 14, and 15 ring pretty true. It made me realize, that YES I do really genuinely like myself, and instead of doing things that make me dis like myself, I really want to do things that make me pleased with myself. I also do not need the internet to hurt me! I am almost glad that my blog has remained some-what un-famous, as I couldn’t take negative comments. The internet is not worth ANY tears! From friends or strangers. I also have been thinking about deleting my Facebook should I get pregnant. I cant handle the judgement and commentary that comes with being a “social media mommy” it’s not for me.

Lastly I love my friends so much, and I honestly want to continue to better my relationships with them. It is so easy to not get together with people, and I have been really lazy about not traveling to see them. This year, I plan to really work on this. Starting with a trip to Portland at the end of the month!!! I just feel like my friends are so similar to me, and when I have children, I want them to be raised around people like Mr. Gaunt and I. I want my friends to be their extended family.

So yeah, I feel like I’m growing into maturity. Growing into happiness, and feeling more and more self assured. Plus I love the shit out of my husband, so that’s nice.


The last few weeks have been a little hard. I’m unemployed, and feeling very poor, and very dependent on others. Not an ideal situation. Whenever I’m in a position like this I always feel really spoiled. I feel like I have too much, that I get to do too much, that I take too much. Who am I to be so poor and yet be surrounded by everything I could ever need? It feels yucky. It feels like I am too self indulgent, and too needy. Do I make bad decisions?  Is the rest of the 20-something world making better choices than I am? Are they working harder and spending less? Are they giving more, saving more, appreciating it all? Did they all make better job choices? School choices? Relationship choices?

There are times in my life where I feel proud of what I have accomplished. I feel pride in my home, my family, my husband. I feel ahead of the curve, like I am moving forward in my life. Other times I feel lost, and pathetic, like I’m just not accomplishing enough. Does everyone feel this way?

I’ve stopped comparing myself to others. I know everyone is making mistakes. I know some people want what I have, and some people don’t. I know some people think I’m making silly choices, and some people think I’m brave. Today though, I just feel a little bit down, not brave, not successful, just an unemployed girl, with too much stuff, and nothing to give.

I can’t wait to start working again. I know for a fact that I could never be a stay at home mom, it just wouldn’t be for me. I flat-out don’t get enough gratification in homemaking. I do however hope to have a job that allow me to work from home, so I can be on my own schedule, and mix both work and home into my daily routine, but I know I need to work. I like working. I like being productive, I like using my brain, I like dealing with situations and different people. Like I said, I’m excited to start working soon. HOPEFULLY I will start next week. **fingers crossed**

Tonight I’m making a pot roast, some Oatmeal Cocoa Cookies, and watching Parenthood. I’m sending out Birthday cards to my two best friends, and folding tiny baby clothes for another. I harvested my garden, blanched and froze all my Kale. I’m trying to keep busy, on top of laundry, and the yard. I’m trying very hard to feel worthwhile. I know this is just a rough spot, and that my family and my husband are beyond supportive of me. I know they love me, I know we will be fine. And Happy.

Every Excuse

I am not working out today.

It is the first day of my period.

I was stung by a wasp yesterday and my arm is swollen.

My house is a disaster.

I am tired.

I have to paint.

I have to ship a painting.

I have to edit a stencil.

My workout clothes are dirty.

I’m annoyed.

Its been an unpleasant morning. I’m just irritable (for all the above reasons) I’m sort of annoyed that my job is taking forever to replace one of the supervisors. I’m also annoyed in that I assumed I would be making friends at work (as I have done every year I worked there) but alas I only work with two very odd and very annoying older women. There are zero options for friend making. Bummer.

I just feel a little like something is wrong with me. I am incapable of making friends, because I am a bitch? I’m also mildly insecure and awkward. I’m sure you are all nodding your heads. I just don’t know how to change. Everything has changed so much since I was young. I fear that my four years of solitude in Colorado has made me completely incapable of socializing or meeting people.

SIDE NOTE: Everyone I know is having babies, I’m mildly jealous, but not really. I don’t want a baby now, just soon.

I have no idea how my weight loss is going this week as Mr. Gaunt hides my scale. This makes me angry. I’m a grown up, I should be able to weigh myself if I want to! I bought that scale! Hmmph.

I’m out of yogurt, and it’s only Wednesday. What will I do until Friday? Sell blood for yogurt?

Its one of those weeks.