We wont be coming in today.

This is what Mr. Gaunt told our boss today. We are taking a personal day to get some things done. I have 2 paintings that need to be shipped out tonight. One is going to Stephanie Nielson for her blogs Handmade Holiday review. I am VERY excited about this! Her blog is very popular (for instance, my blog has 45,000 views, and her blog has 800,000 views) so this could be a really amazing opportunity for us. Plus I have a stencil proof that is going in for revisions, hopefully will sell by the 12th so I can ship it out in time for Christmas.

I also NEED  a few new paintbrushes, like these…drool:

Maybe I will use this:

And then of course the house needs a good scrub down and some more laundry needs to be done.

Per my mom and my little sister I started taking 5HTP which basically is an all natural supplement that helps with:

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Controls Appetite

-Boosts Metabolism

-Relieves Insomnia

-Reduces the signs of PMS, Headaches, and Fibromyalgia.

Anyway my sisters been taking it for a year now and she swears it works. So I’m giving it a shot, along with Green Tea Pills which are supposed to help with appetite control as well. Mr. Gaunt bought me a pill-box and divided them all up for me. This morning when I woke up to go to work, and then had a complete crumpled on the floor break down, Mr. Gaunt handed me my pills and called in to work. How I love him.

I have to work my other job tonight, but that I can manage. It’s that dreaded real job that can so easily throw me into a sobbing pile on the floor.

So today will be good and productive! Wish me luck!

 

Like talking to everyone and no one, all at once.

I just got off work.

I came home to a messy house.

No real food.

A sink FULL of dishes.

Mr. Gaunt is at a friends watching football. Its his 30th birthday today.

I feel bad.

A little sad.

Always stressed.

I wish I could have a clean house and a good meal and some presents waiting for him.

I wish we could go get a Christmas tree and decorate the whole house all cute.

But it’s not going to happen, well I might clean up a bit.

I mentioned earlier that I’m dealing with a bit of depression.  I wont even attempt to explain why, because I honestly don’t know.

I’d say its working too much, but I don’t think that’s it.

I’d say its money problems. We have to pull $300 out of savings to cover rent this month. Not really what savings are for. And yes this is a huge stressor day in and day out.

It might be partially my real job, which has become the bane of my existence.

It might be that my social encounters  (due to lack of money, time, and friends) have come to a halt. As I rarely do anything with anyone my age anymore. Which is sad, especially when I hear of all my friends back home getting together over Holidays.

I know for a fact that I am anxious, and anxiety often causes me major stress which eventually leads to “hands thrown up, I give up” depression. As we are moving in 5 month, actually I’m leaving in 4.25 months. And therefore there are so many things to think about. Money, jobs, wedding, housing, family, friends, packing, roadtrip…etc. All of which is some what exciting, its just hard being in the planning stage and not the action stage.

And the Holidays, oh the holidays. I’m tortured between not giving a shit, and wanting it all to be like the movies. Do I want to spend time and money decorating when we are trying to save money and condense?  When our house is so full to the brim that one little project turns it into a complete disaster? Do I play the mom roll and insist we go get a tree, or do I sit back and hope he never suggests it either? There are days when it’s all I can do not to start packing…lol. I’m just that kind of person. I’m so excited to do Christmas back home (at no offense to anyone in Colorado) that its hard for me to do it here.

I don’t know. I’m a little lost right now, and although Mr. Gaunt is my love of all loves, I know he gets sick of hearing me talk about all of this. He is all I really have here though. He’s the only one who really knows me and my family and my goals, and never passes judgement. I KNOW that I have lots of great things in my life, and I KNOW it might be crazy to be a little depressed, but its how I feel and how I handle life at this point. I wish I felt better, but I cant just turn it on like a light switch. It will come in time.

So it’s a bit lonely.

It’s a waiting game.

Hoping for something better.

To wake up and feel good.

To be thankful.

To be satisfied.

Accomplishing life.

 

 

 

The Perfect Sunday Man

For anyone who has lived closely with me(Mr. Gaunt)knows that Sundays are the bane of my existence. The love hate relationship I have with them, often turns me into a bitchy crying unproductive bump on a log.

Sundays for me are usually:

– Wanting/needing to go grocery shopping, but being too poor.

-Having a mountain of laundry to do, with no quarters, or no time to do it.

-A messy disgusting house that usually puts me in such a funk that I can’t even manage to clean it.

-So much stress that the weekend is almost over and I will have to return to work, that I can’t accomplish anything.

It’s all very pathetic and like I said, unproductive. Sundays are often the day when I let the little things get to me and the world comes tumbling down. The weather pisses me off, money stresses me out, I cry over my lack of house wife skills, and of course any and all feelings of weight/body image comes up. Lets just say Sundays and I are not friends.

At our company picnic on Friday. Drinking Sangria and 11am

Today however was the PERFECT Sunday, in fact, it was the best day of the week! And as cheesy and mushy it is to say, it was all because of my Perfect Sunday Man.

Mr. Gaunt and I have been going through a lot this last week, money, insecurities, family issues, but somehow our communication and ability to understand each other is stronger than ever. He’s been talking to me about his feelings like he never has before. I am so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful partner. I know that women say “You can’t change a man” but sometimes they just offer up change all on their own. And if your lucky they thank you for inspiring them to do so.

I came home late last night after hanging out with friends to find my ENTIRE house cleaned and all of the laundry sorted! Holy Shit! He even organized my closet and cleaned up my makeup area!  He was in bed all snoring, so I woke him up and kissed him bunches and we laid together and talked to each other for almost and hour. I slept very well. Today he let me sleep in (which is something I NEVER do) until almost ELEVEN! Then he went to the grocery store and bought Whole Wheat Pancake mix, cantaloupe, and stuff to make Mimosas! He made a very yummy breakfast and we ate and listened to Iron and Wine Pandora. We are on the hunt to find the perfect Indie Love song for our first dance at the Wedding.

After Breakfast I laid on the couch and read the two magazines that I have been ignoring for the last week. REAL SIMPLE and Whole Living (previously Body+Soul). My interest in cooking has been at an all time low this summer, as well as blogging, Foodgawker, and all food/health magazines. I’m not sure why I’ve lost interest, but its made me sad. Today though I sat back, relaxed and let myself fall back into the world of amazing food, cooking for my family, and living healthy. It felt so nice, like the old me. I even found a new food blog to crush on Dinner A Love Story. Check it out.

While I read Mr. Gaunt gave me a foot and calf masage…drool…unitl I fell asleep. And so we napped on the couch, for four hours…lol! It was so amazing. One of those naps that you have no regret during and no neck kinks afterward. It’s now 4pm so Mr. Gaunt and I do laundry, that was already nicely sorted and waiting in laundry baskets, quarters on hand.

Then we spent some time searching the web for a recipe to use some ground Turkey and Yellow squash we had. I found this recipe that SHOCKINGLY we had every ingredient on hand…yipee! So we made it, and it was amazing, and a blog post will be up tomorrow on it.

At our favorite restaurant Merles in Littleton on our 1 month of being engaged anniversary.

Part of the reason for our lazy sunday was that it was a SCORCHER out today, and Mr. Gaunt made it clear that I was not to step outside. Heat makes me super bitch, seriously. After dinner when it had cooled down to high 70s…lol…we finished some laundry and went swimming in our pool. While swimming we talked about our plan to start running. Yup, we have made a plan! We are gonna try the “run 1 minute, walk 3 minutes” until we can work up to longer sprints. Neither of us are runners, but we want to start, and we don’t have the money to pay for gym memberships. So we are gonna start Monday. I’m really hoping to get new shoes for my birthday, I’m pretty sure I want the Reebok Easy Tone They’re kinda like the Sketchers Step-ups only not super ugly.

After swimming we went up to Whole Foods and got Green Tea Ice cream and stuff for smoothies. I also decided to switch up our regular Cliff Bars and try the Odwalla Bars They are lower in fat (2g vs 6g) and were on sale, plus they have a Mocha flavor that I really wanted to try. I’ll give you a review next week after I’ve had a few flavors.

So now we are just sitting on the couch winding down. Next week I’m gonna talk to my boss AGAIN about transferring to Mr. Gaunt’s team, it’s all taking forever. I also think I might try to get a part-time seasonal job this winter. We finally sat down and budgeted the wedding, and if we are going to be able to pay for everything without getting into debt we need to make some extra money. Yes it will suck to work so much, but it will be worth it to be less stressed when we move and get married.  So I’ll be looking into this in the coming months. We are also in the beginning stages of building our credit, and deciding whether to keep my car or not. Until then my focus is and will continue to be the happiness and success of my family. And Thank you Mr. Gaunt for turning a usually crappy Sunday into a Perfect Sunday. Love.