Curve Appeal

This is my new favorite blog/tumblr. It pretty much makes me feel fantastic. I am totally under the impression that I may not be able to lose a single pound before my wedding. I am doing my best to just be ok with this. I’m pretty sure all of my friends and family (although some may secretly deep down wish I would lose more weight) will still love me and think I look nice at this size.

Being this size does not mean I am lazy, or careless with my health. This is what I got to work with, and I’m a good person despite my physical flaws. I tell myself this every day, I’m trying to believe, every day.

And yes, I would look better 50 pounds thinner, but I have some serious self esteem healing that needs to happen before that.  I wish I could lose the weight on my heart and be someone who can just love themselves as they are. I wish it was easier to trust Mr. Gaunt when he says I look nice, or photos that make me look thinner, and not just assume they are both an illusion.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

HEART. BRAIN. STOMACH.

I wasted 23 years not caring about my STOMACH. I’m wrapping my whole body in this term: STOMACH.

I ate to taste artificial.

I ate to be full.

In my 24th year I finally let the knowledge sink in and feed me.

I eat for purity.

I eat to be strong.

I never thought I was uneducated about food, I really didn’t. I thought Low Fat foods were better for me. I thought Carbs were bad. I thought eating meat was the natural way of life. I thought a grocery store was a grocery store, was a grocery store.

I had friends who were vegetarians (love them all dearly) but the guilt they often laid on me only made me rebel against them. Organic was expensive, recycling was annoying, meat was tasty. I felt anger towards anyone who wanted to tell me what I should or shouldn’t put in my body. And I had every right to be. My body My Choice. I feel pretty strongly that when it comes to someone’s health, only give advice when asked. Especially when it is weight related. Giving someone the “eew thats gross” face will NOT change the way they eat. It will only make them think you’re an uppity ass.

I think healthy eating is a lifelong path. Not only because we as a species are continuously learning what’s good and bad for us (it wasnt until 1981 that they put a warning to pregnant women on alcohol bottles!) but because I believe weaning yourself from bad habits is a slow process.

Lately I’ve been having overwhelming self-improvement feelings. While reading Body + Soul Magazine tonight it was all I could do not to run to whole foods to buy some organic foundation. I have now lost about 75 pounds, which is a lot, but I still need to lose another 45 pounds. Im no longer looking to drop major pounds fast though. I want to spend the next 45 pounds really focusing on what is good for my body. On developing a food regiment that is pure and whole and brings my body gently down to a healthy weight. If I eat as healthy as possible and my body still wont lower in weight, then maybe this is where my body wants to be. I will no longer obsess over dropping 2 pounds a week every week. Im going to let this happen in its own time.

So I have some new goals that I would like to achieve in the next six months that are as followed:

-Use our Re-Usable grocery bags EVERY time we shop (even at Target)

-Spend less than $67 a week on food

-Have 1/2 of our food budget go to fruits and vegetables

-Shop the farmers market when they open.

-Spend less than $10 a week on food with artificial ingredients

-Make my own instant Oatmeal Packets

-Try buying bulk beans and cooking them instead of canned

-make my own dried fruit with a food dehydrator

-Learn to can this summer

-Take up regular swimming when the pool opens

-Practice softball once a week along with our weekly games

-Treat my skin kindly with organic soaps, sunscreen (not organic) and salves.

-Learn to make my own skin products (I have an awesome book)

-Slowly eat or throw away all of our artificial foods (and not buy more)

-Shop more used stores.

-purge unwanted art supplies (its ok to let go)

-Find a creative outlet that makes me happy

– Drink more tea, less coffee

-Look more into the Mediterranean Diet

-Read all the books I have on clean eating

-Read more in general

-Continue to try to convince Mr. Gaunt to cancel our cable at least for the summer

-Throw away clothes that dont fit and I dont want tailored.

-Take a photography class, and continue to perfect my skills.