The Good, The Bad, The Sugar

I’m in a sour mood. Its Saturday and I have nothing going on in my life, nothing. The last few weeks I feel like seasonal depression has taken over. I feel super blah. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to hang out with. I’m super poor, which is more of a permanent thing, I don’t make enough money and I don’t know how I can make more. I have little to no motivation to craft or clean or do anything. I miss my friends back home, I miss my mom. I want something new to happen. My weight loss is sucking, I feel like I can’t even go out to eat without gaining five pounds, not that I could afford to even if I wanted to. I wish it was summer. I wish my trip home was sooner. I wish I was still losing weight. I wish I wasn’t so pitiful. Today is a crappy day. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.

I made this my Desktop picture! I LOVE V-DAY!

Ok I was about to post this and then I figured I should snap out of it and write a list of good things:

1. It’s almost valentines week! I love valentines day. I’m going to make Mr. Gaunt an AWESOME valentine card.

2. We are going to hopefully get a new kitten this coming weekend. I want to name her Olive, Mr. Gaunt does not.

4. It is 46 days till I go to Washington to Celebrate my Mom and Friend Rita’s Birthday!

5. This morning I was at my lowest weight yet.

6. My house is only kind of dirty, not too dirty.

7. Im going to make an indian shrimp dish for dinner.

8. We are going to Costco. Hopefully before 5 so I can snack on samples. Samples don’t count.

9. I found a place to get Mr. Gaunt’s Valentine gift. I just have to wait until friday when I get paid.

10. I talked to my mom, Kelli, and Pro today which is very nice.

11. I organized all of my photo folders on my desktop today.

12. Im going to make No Pudge Brownies shaped like hearts for V-day. I also want to make lemon bars from scratch, died pink.

Biggest Loser and Two Workouts in One Day!

So Im on my Wii Fit in the AM kick, but tonight after watching the season premier of Biggest Loser Season 8 I actually drug my ass to 24 hour fitness to get in my second workout of the day! Woo hoo! Im stoked that BL is back on and is going to motivated me to work my ass off to get to 50lbs lost and then to my goal weight! The last month has been super hard on me, Ive had at least 4 total meltdowns in the “Im sooooo Fat” category. Its like now Ive been at this weight for long enough, the joy of getting here has worn off and now I can see that Im still nowhere near my goal. I am NOT happy at this weight, at the way I look, at the size of my clothes, at my physical ability. I need to push through this and not just give in or claim Im doing everything I can, because Im not! I could be eating even healthier and working out even more! I know some people might think its crazy to get so worked up over something like this, to get so obsessed, but this is my dream! I have wanted this for as long as I can remember, to be an average size, to look not just cute, but hot! And this is the most motivated and hardest I have ever worked at something, and I WONT settle for anything else but goal weight. I wont!

BiggestLoserLogo

Ok ok so maybe BL got to me a little tonight (yes I cried at least 5 times! But seriously did you hear Abby’s story?) but you know what my sister in law was really inspired by BL a while back, and she worked her ass off at the gym and lost 80 (correct me if Im wrong Ash) pounds! So you know what? I can do this too!

The other day at work I was working the front door and a thin woman walked in, and my coworker who is in her late forties and a little heavy (but not as heavy as me, plus she is really short) comes over to me and says “Ugg dont you hate skinny people?” Now first off comments like these are made to me all the time in that “we are both in the chubby girls club” its like women see me and think “Oh theres a girl who can relate to my weight problems because she is fat too!” I usually just laugh or agree or whatever, but inside Im thinking 1. How freaking rude are you? Maybe I dont want to be in your Chubby Girls Club!   2. I hardly know you, its not like Im wearing a damn Broncos Jersey and we can bond over our love of football! I cant take this fat off at the end of the day!    3. NO I DO NOT HATE SKINNY PEOPLE  (duh see the name of my blog) I actually love them! I either lover their god given genetics and have nothing but jealousy for them, or I love and respect their dedication to staying in shape! Overall I cant wait until one day people dont include me automatically in this club, because unless I have made some comment about my own weight, your comments are un welcome!

So moving on, Im off to bed to snug Mr. Gaunt so I can go to sleep and wake up and work out again! Sweet dreams blog world, and feel skinnier in the morning.