Cookies with my Mom

I didn’t actually make cookies with my mom, but she was in my heart the whole time! We use to always make a ton of different kinds of cookies at Christmas time, we even had the best Christmas Cookie Parties! I’m very much looking forward to forcing all of my friends to come to my house and eat a ton of cookies next year (HEAR THAT LADIES! THE MELIM CHRISTMAS PARTIES ARE MAKING A COMEBACK!)

My favorite cookie (please note the Almond Rocca is my favorite Christmas treat, although I wouldn’t really put it in the cookie category) is a Thumb Print Cookie! Oh I love them! Little buttery cookies topped with jam! Whats not to like?

Last Saturday I went to a party at Ms. G’s house (I don’t know why I didn’t take any pictures) but I made Thumb Print Cookies. Thank god I left them at her house or I would have eaten them all!

The recipe I used is here.

 

Send boy out to get cute Christmas plate

 

 

I wore fun fluffy hair and a gold glitter headband and matching belt...yay parties!

 

 

 

Still this fat.

GAP: Shirt $4.99 Pants $11.99

Yesterday I went to the Gap to browse their Clearance, I don’t even bother looking at the regular or Sale priced items…I just want Clearance. I really love the gap, well occasionally they have a bad season, but who doesn’t?  As I was trying on clothes, I really got to thinking about what exactly my style of clothing is, and how I feel about my body.

Old Navy $15

I have found it a little confusing to shop these days. For one thing, I was really hoping to weigh 25 pounds less right now (although I’m never quite sure I would even be happy there) and my body is sort of awkward. technically I am smaller than I was in highschool, but I would not say my body is the same. Unfortunately my skin isn’t quite as elastic as one would hope, and everything is sort of…soft. I’d say my legs, upper arms, and torso are the worst culprits.  And now when I want to wear a skirt and tank top, it’s all I can do to not sit there and poke and jiggle my saggy arms. Sure that skirt looks ok standing there, but sit down and the thighs are dimpled.

I tried on a bathing suit at Target the other day and wanted to cry (bathing suit shopping is the devil!). My legs LOOK like they have lost weight. No I don’t mean smaller, I mean they look like if you deflated a balloon and the rubber never really returned to its original size, sliding, sagging, puckering. Now I’m on the hunt for some sort of skirt like bathing suit, I don’t even care if it’s the Grandma Style!

My friend Jason wanted me and Mr. Gaunt to go with him to a water slide park this summer with his new TINY girlfriend. I told him I didn’t like water parks (which is tough to say because I havent been to one in 10+ years) but really in my head I was thinking Yeah right! I would rather chew off my own face than stand next to your 5’2″ 100 lb girlfriend in her tiny bikini! NO THANKS! It’s tough to say whether he would even care about my not so adorable bathing suit body. But I care.

I’ve had a few major self esteem meltdowns recently. More than I have had in a long time. I had a co-worker tell me recently how he HATES FAT PEOPLE because they are lazy, and if he ever started to gain any weight he would just work out. He told this to me in a way that meant Don’t you agree? And I stood there thinking, does he not think I am fat (although I have many times seen him point at girls smaller than me and claim they are too chunky) or is he secretly trying to tell me he hates me (I kind of think we are friends)  or does he just not think before he speaks. Its like when you hear people spew a “weight” without thinking: “Yeah, and this girl probably weighed like 200 pounds, she was HUGE” and you are standing there, weighing 200 lbs and you think: Oh really, was she as huge as me?

I know some people are just stupid and ignorant about weight issues, especially ones that have never dealt with any. But its hard to be around them, its hard to feel like everyone isnt judging you all the time. Its hard not to feel like the fattest person in the room.

I want to be proud of the weight I have lost, but I find myself avoiding telling people that I lost weight. Ashamed that I was once that size. Ashamed to say “I lost 75lbs, and yes I’m STILL this fat”

And my friends who have also lost weight, who are smaller than me and STILL not happy with themselves. I don’t want to be the fattest person I know, but you have got to stop obsessing! Please be happy with who you are! Please don’t use me as your self esteem booster, look I get to pass my fat pants on to Morgan. I’m trying so hard to love myself and be ok.

Mom and Me

And I miss my mom and my friends terribly. My mom has never in a million years made me feel anything but perfect, and no one has rooted harder for me during my weight loss. Being with her makes me feel beautiful and normal. And my dear friends who I stand next to and feel comfortable with myself, even the ones that are smaller than me. Who all say such sweet things to me, and would never let stupid things slip out of their mouths about my weight. Girls that I would stand next to in a bathing suit, even if I know they look better than me.

I miss that love and support. I wish I could be with them. I wish I could feel ok about myself. I wish I didn’t work with idiots. I wish I was with my mom and this Mother’s Day. I hope she knows how much she means to me.

Vegan Sourdough Blueberry Cake

With a Lemon Glaze!

My Mom’s Birthday was last friday, this was the main reason I went out to Washington to visit, and I really wanted to make her a unique cake. Neither of us are into gaining 5lbs from a big chocolate cake with frosting. My mom also mentioned that my Aunt Kim had given her a Sourdough Starter that she wanted to use. I hit up Food Gawker (because it really is the only way to look for recipes) and typed in Sourdough Cake and got this recipe for Blueberry Sourdough Cake with Lemon Glaze, perfect.

When I got to Bellingham, my sister informs us that she has extended her 30 day Vegan Challenge and that she is still Vegan, and she would like cake please. (= Of course I wanted everyone to be able to eat the cake I made, but how to make it Vegan? Mom and I did some online research and found out that you can replace eggs with EnerG Vegan Egg Replacement I know you can often do Applesauce, but I worried that in a cake Applesauce wouldn’t do the trick. So we got EnerG at our local organic grocers (its in the vegan baking aisle, so they might not have it at the regular grocery store) along with Vegan Butter and headed home to make our cake.

The only other substitutes we did was doing Organic unbleached flour and Sugars (note that Organic Powdered Sugar doesnt contain an anti clumping agent, so it get a little clumpy), and water in the lemon glaze, not milk. So the recipe is as followed:

Sourdough Blueberry Lemon Cake
(based on this recipe)

Cake:
1/2 cup (Vegan) butter, room temperature
1 cup Organic sugar
Grated rind of 1 lemon
2 eggs (or EnerG Vegan Egg Replacer)
2 1/2 cups Organic unbleached flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup water
1 cup sourdough starter
1 cup blueberries

Lemon glaze:
1 cup Organic powdered sugar
2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 to 3 tablespoons water (or milk)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray a 9-inch loaf pan or a mini loaf tray. (I did a 9×9 square pan)
In a large bowl, cream the butter with the sugar and grated rind until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.
In a separate bowl, combine the flour, salt, and baking soda. In another small bowl, combine the lemon juice, water, and starter. Add the dry ingredients to the butter mixture alternately with the lemon mixture, beating until fluffy. Coat blueberries with flour and fold into batter. Pour into the prepared pan and bake 1 hour, or until bread tests done (my mini loaves took about 40 minutes). Let the bread cool in the pan on a wire rack for 10 minutes.

For the lemon glaze, combine powdered sugar, lemon juice, and enough water to make a creamy frosting and mix thoroughly.

Remove the bread from the pan and pour on the glaze. (its best to let it cool a bit, otherwise the glaze slides right off)

Right out of the oven, no glaze

Pour on the Glaze

Chilling in the fridge

This cake wasnt very sweet, or sour for that matter. It was more of a yummy blueberry bread, the glaze it what really gave it some flavor. Everyone ate it, so it must have been yummy. I love when people eat Vegan and don’t know it! I made these Vegan Banana muffins last week for work, and the guys (who always give me shit about eating healthy) gobbled them up! It was awesome!  It also goes to show that with just a little extra effort you can accommodate your Vegan friends and family quite easily!

And the best part was being there with friends and family to sing Happy Birthday to the BEST MOM!

Leaving My Man with Healthy Food.

I leave tomorrow night to BEAUTIFUL Bellingham Washington! I can’t wait! I havent been home since July, that was FIFTY pounds ago! Crazy! I’m only going for a long weekend (Thursday-Monday) but I get to see so many friends and family. My sweet sister will be coming up from Portland, my BFF’s Mallory and Kelli will also be coming from Portland and Olympia, and of course my momma, brother, dad and other friends are already in B-ham. Lots of fun has been planned, including my mom’s Birthday on Friday!

So since I will be leaving Mr. Gaunt alone to fend for himself food wise for the weekend, I decided I should make things easy on him. We got our Door to Door Organics box today full of yummy organic fruits and veggies, so I’m looking up recipes to prepare for him while I’m gone.

Also for my moms birthday I want to make her a fun cake. Not a typical birthday cake with major frosting..boo. Instead I think I want to make this Sour Dough blueberry Lemmon cake. I guess my Aunt Kim gave my mom a sourdough starter kit??? and she wanted to use it, so this is what I will be making! It looks really freaking good!

My Door to Door organics box this week has some fun new things! Leeks, Beets, and Eggplant! I have used eggplant before (Mr. Gaunt HATES Eggplant) but the beets and leeks will be something we haven’t done yet. I found these recipes to try:

Salmon and Leek Pizza

This Salmon and Leeks Pizza with Pesto sauce looks AMAZING! Of course I will modify the recipe (no heavy cream for this gal) and we wont be making our own dough (when we can buy whole wheat for cheaper!) but the salmon, pesto and leeks will be used! I might even make this tonight.

As for the Beets, this Beet Roesti looks pretty darn yummy. Im not sure Mr. Gaunt is gonna like Beets, but I have managed to feed him almost every vegetable I have brought into this house (even eggplant mixed into lasagna) so I trust I can do beets to.  This Roesti is almost like a Beet potato pancake, and I LOVE a potato pancake. I think this will wait till next week.

Last weeks Kale and Mizithra Pasta

Other than that I’m going to cut up salad for him, and make him a little list for the fridge telling him what he needs to eat (mostly so things wont go bad). I also like to make him pastas and stir fry’s and split them up into tupperware that he can just grab and go in the morning. I find that if it’s there and easy he will eat it.

Oh and because I now have an abundant amount of bananas, I’m going to make these Vegan Banana Muffins from The clean Eating Mama. They will make a great breakfast treat for Mr. Gaunt this weekend!

Oh and because I am just rambling and rambling, I painted my nails white today and I am LOVING it! So this will be my last post until next week. I’m sure I will have a million pics of my weekend vacation to share with you when I get back! xoxo

Chicken Parmesan

I made Chicken Parmesan a few nights ago and it was DELISH! It took a smidge longer than expected because the oven temp wasnt set (ehm…mr.gaunt) none the less we finally ate at 8:00pm (boo that is way past six!). It’s also super easy. I baked breaded chicken (I have made my own bread crumbs, but these were store-bought) and then sprinkled parmesan on it about 3 minutes before it came out of the oven. I boiled some whole wheat angel hair and sauteed some onions, zucchini and cherry tomatoes in olive oil. I mixed the veggies into the pasta and put the chicken on top of it, poured over some spaghetti sauce and sprinkled with a little more cheese. Super yummy and pretty healthy. We are on a major veggie kick, and I can not get enough!

I’m going to Washington in SEVEN days! YAY! Its my mom’s birthday next Friday and I’m so glad I get to spend it with her! I havent seen her since July (which is a damn crime against mother/daughter bonding!) and we are gonna do Deep Water Running, and I want to cook with her! I really want to try to make Kale Chips while there (yah down mom?) because we both love a good chip, and I LOVE KALE! Anyway, tomorrow is Ms. G’s Birthday and we will be going to Fresh Fish for dinner. I’ve already decided I’m getting clams…becuase clams are heaven in a shell. Oh and its Friends and Family Weekend at Old Navy, and a friend sent me the 30% off coupon (total purchase) and 5% goes to Boys and Girls club! How sweet is that! CLICK HERE FOR THE COUPON!