Tag Archives: engagement
Why I dont feel like a bride.
I’ll warn you now, its been a hard week, and an awful day. My spirits are at an all time low and I can’t shake it. With that being said I’ve felt this way for a while, and feel Id like to share it.
I had tentative plans today to go try on wedding dresses today with Jenny and Mr. Gaunt’s mom. I more or less ignored these plans and made no appointments. I don’t want to try on dresses, at all, ever.
To me a bride is beautiful and elegant and grown up. A bride is confident and romantic and graceful. I am none of these things, at least I don’t feel like I am.
I also feel completely lost on what “bride style” I am. If anyone remembers the Sex and The City episode where Carrie is thinking of marrying Aiden and she and Standford are looking through bridal magazines: Am I Peekaboo Bride?
They all seem a little overwhelming, a little too much.
I didn’t talk about it on here, but ring shopping was pretty unpleasant for me. I cried, multiple times. Friends of ours who were married last year told us that ring shopping was the most fun they had. That he loved watching his fiancée get all girly and get to try on all the rings and pick out the one she wanted. This was not what ring shopping was for me.
First off, we had a major budget, which I have no shame in sharing. We really couldn’t afford anything, but we each worked overtime for two days and managed to put away $400 for the ring. Mr. Gaunt paid $250 and I paid the rest. Were practical people like that. However there are very few rings in the “under $500” range, and although I LOVE my ring, it was hard to find. And another thing, when you go to try on rings they are all in one size, maybe a 6? And I’m a 7.75 so nothing fit. How unsatisfying is it to try your engagement ring on your pinky?..Very.
The whole thing made feel like poor fat shit. I didn’t belong there, who was I to be spending money on a ring? It was embarrassing and sad, and I will probably never do it again. Just order me a wedding ring at half.com.
I fear that wedding dress shopping will be the same. I’ve watched plenty of Say Yes To The Dress to know how they use big fat plastic clamps to try to hold some plus size bride into some unflattering taffeta mess. No Thanks! Or how strapless gowns make your back fat bulge and how all dresses are sleeveless and make your arms look huge and awful. Its sounds like hell!
And I’m trying so fucking hard to lose weight! It’s so freaking unfair! I started trying to run (which I hate) I watch every single thing I put into my mouth! I weigh myself, I drink water, I poop regularly! And you know what? I’m STILL 14 pounds over my lowest weight and even if I lose 3 pounds, I could gain it all back in an hour! ITS BULL! It’s not fair that I have to struggle and obsess and worry about it all the time and I’m still a freaking SIZE 16!!!!!!
Fair, that’s what it comes down to, it’s not fair.
money is the other thing. At this point I feel like some spoiled brat who thinks she is going to get a wedding, but who the hell is going to pay for it? We don’t have any money, and what little we do put into savings will be going to moving, not to wedding. We will be lucky to have enough just to get settled in. And unfortunately no one in either of our families has money or sees the importance of paying for things like a professional photographer, or a nice dress. And I’m not saying they should have to, but is it really too much to want nice wedding photos to last a life time? Have I not shown the world how important photography is, and how hard I try to document Mr. Gaunt and my life together! DO I NOT DESERVE SOME FREAKING PROFESSIONAL WEDDING PICTURES?!!!!!!!!!!And I WANT to pay for them myself, Id just like others to support that decision and not make me feel like I’m being frivolous and stupid.
And they’re right, and I agree that I wish it was only $500 to hire a photographer, but it’s not! Most of them start at $1000-$2000 and only go up. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Yeah and wedding dresses are expensive too! And when I go in there and they ask me what my budget is, saying $400 is not going to go over well. And no I’m sorry but I don’t think its fun to try on super fancy dresses that I can’t afford. I would never go into a car lot and test drive a Audi, same goes for dresses.
I don’t know. Like I said its a hard time right now, and I’m not sure where to go or who to turn to. you know the funny thing is, the one person who I think would be the most fun to go wedding dress shopping with, is Mr. Gaunt. I love shopping with him. He is fun and so nice, and just makes me feel like a million dollars. It may be non-traditional, but he’s a brides best friend.
So that’s the end of my rant, the plan is to drop $40 pounds and save $4000 and maybe I’ll go put a wedding dress on. Today is not that day, tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
Oh and despite the fact that I don’t like ME in a wedding dress, doesn’t mean I don’t LOVE a wedding dress. So I leave you a few of my favorites:
Yes I definitely have a style I like, and yes it includes pockets. (=
Kids Felt Crowns & Engagement Photos
Sometimes I get a little crafty, and am actually pleased with what I have made! These crowns were made for my friend Jen’s Daughter who turned 5 a week ago. I used this Tutorial and then just made the designs up on my own. This was the first time I made something with elastic, and was shocked how easy it was! Mr. Gaunt made the monster for me…soo cute! I also made the princess one with ribbon instead of elastic to make it more feminine. I really hope Torrae loves them!
I also wanted to share a few of our favorite engagement photos that Jen took of us when we were in Washington. She gave me a disk of like 200 so it took me a while to go through them all, but here they are. Oh and I picked out my engagement ring yesterday…yipee! I’m hoping to have it made and on my finger by my birthday!
Well that was a nice long break, from everything. The worst part of Vacations is that they have to end…sad day. Lots of stuff has happened in the last week, so I’ll break it down for yah:
1. WE GOT ENGAGED!
Oh yes we did! Mr. Gaunt proposed to me the evening of July 10th on the boardwalk at Boulevard park in Bellingham Washington. It was late sunset and their were fireworks across the bay. We also watched the midnight Kayakers in the water just before. It was very romantic. He got down on one knee and I cried a bunch, I’m that kind of girl. At this point I have a temporary ring until we have one made for us. As far as wedding plans, we are thinking Fall of 2011 in Washington. So we have a good 14 months to save up and plan everything. I of course went out and bought my first Bridal Magazine…woop woop! Im very excited to plan it all, I just have to remember to stay calm and pace myself…lol! financially we plan on paying for most of the wedding ourselves, which will be a challenge. Did you know the average American wedding costs $22,000! Obviously we have NO intentions of spending that much money. However I do want it to be very special, and I want all of my friends and family to come and have a great time, so we will have to spend a bit. Traditionally the Father of the Bride pays for most of the wedding, but my father will not be contributing at all. My mom and Grandparents will be doing all of our food which is a big expensive, and I am so grateful that they can help. As for the rest we are just going to have to be creative and money savvy.
I wont bore you with tons of wedding stuff on this blog, so I plan to stick to “Wedding Wednesday” posts. Just updating on what we are planning and making and all that good stuff. So until then we are just enjoying being newly engaged!
Mr. Gaunt and I had the most fabulous time in Washington. I was so glad that I got to show him some of the cooler sides of the state including a private island where we spent the 4th of July. He got to play in the ocean and eat good food and hike in the beautiful forests of the area. I think he is super excited to move now, at least I hope he is. Our plan at this point is to move in April of 2011 (about 6 months before the wedding) to either Olympia or Bellingham. Each city has its Pros and Cons, so we will just have to figure out which area offers us the best jobs and housing. Again we have 9 months to figure all of that out, including saving money. We figure we will need around $3,000 to move (moving truck, rent, time off work, etc) so that’s going to be a challenge.
3. THE CAR
So about 2 months ago I bought a used car, and after at least 5 trips to the repair shop and over $1500 (payed by the seller) in work, the car gives me bad vibes. It runs fine, but it’s just not what I want, and its caused a lot of stress for a lot of people. Also with all this money we need to save the last thing we want is a car payment. So after talking to our parents we have decided to sell the car. It’s a great car with low mileage (and a bunch of new parts) so I can’t imagine it will be a hard sell. The only problem is that will bring us to one car. Most of the time this isnt really an issue, except for work. I travel anywhere from 30-60 minutes each way to get to my job. Mr. Gaunt does about half that time. We both have to be at work at 6am, posing the problem. Mr.Gaunt is going to talk to his boss tomorrow about me joining his team so we can carpool.
4. JOB IS FOUR LETTER WORD
Although I’m not surprised, I am a little disappointed in myself the 9 months into my job, I’m pretty much over it. We just aren’t clicking anymore. It’s a number of things, supervisors, work load, mundane tasks, overall its just not a good match. Of course this isn’t news to me. I have never been good at working a job that I wasnt passionate about. I get bored and lethargic and bitchy. I’ve had a number of people tell me “But you get paid so much to change lightbulbs!” but to me, its just not worth it. This might sound ungrateful or naive, but that’s me. I’m a little extreme in my emotions, I’m always trying to improve my life and spice things up. In the long run I may be falling into unhealthy patterns, but until then I need to strive for more.
Mr. Gaunt and I are putting along on our little painting business. We are working on our 3rd example painting, and have 3 more lined up. WE talked a bit with my mom about prices and other such business topics. I’m really hoping that this will bring in some of the much needed savings we need to build up.
Until then I have to pull myself out of bed every morning and convince myself all afternoon to not walk out on my job. I have a family (Mr. Gaunt) that I need to be there for. I have to do it for us and for our future, I just need to keep my eye on the prize and know that I am capable of doing better if I put my mind to it.
5. WEIGHT LOSS
I need to lose 50 more pounds by my wedding…lol! Thats about all I have to say. We are back on track with a fridge full of healthy choices. I am looking up instant watch workout videos on our Netflix. Its gonna be tough, but I’m not trying on a single wedding dress until I feel good about myself.
For a weight loss blog you would think I would have more to say about that…lol!
So as you can see the next year is going to be a bit of a wild ride for us. I’m super excited and super scared. I am so thrilled to have such a wonderful man by my side to help me keep level-headed. I want to thank all of our friends and family for being so supportive of our relationship and life choices, we love you all! And so I leave you with a select few (of the 300 I took) of my favorite pics from our vacation!