Goldilocks and The Three Pants

I was sick of all my pants not fitting so I went a couple of weeks ago to find some new ones. My mom suggested Levi 512 so we went to Sears to find some. Sears’ website said they carried Levis, however when we got to the store they told us they only sold them online…lame-o. While at Sears I noticed they have a whole line of Lands End clothing, which is super cute! So I tried on their Jeans. I actually finally sucked it up and tried on a size bigger than I had been wearing, thinking they would just be more comfortable…

So I tried the size down…

At this point I tried on a few others and had the same results. Too small or too big. nothing fit! Plus they were all like $50, and I’m sorry I don’t spend $50 on ill-fitting jeans. So I went to Old Navy to find CHEAP Ill fitting Jeans…success! $9!

These jeans were on clearance, and are by no means prefect. They are a bit too flared for me, and they give me horrible Bucket Butt (where it gaps really bad in the lower back area). But the (front) waist fit, and they were dark enough to hide the unflatteringly tight-ish thigh area. Gag. Oh well. They are actually very comfortable so they will work.

Mr. Gaunt and I have kind of let ourselves eat whatever we want this past month, and I am refusing to step on the scale until after we move. I needed a break from the weight loss obsession.  We have made a pact though to each loose 10 pounds in the month we are away from each other. I’m seeing a strict Water, Veggies, Lean Protein and Brown rice in my future. Plus I found a great deal on a gym in Wa that I’m going to join on day 1!  I can feel how unhappy my body is with all the eating out and snacking I have been doing. I am so very much looking forward to getting back in gear and cleansing all this toxic crap out! Wish me luck!

 

Used Name Brand Clothing

I thought I would share tonight’s Savers shopping experience with y’all. I’d first like to say that although I LOVE Savers/Goodwill/The Salvation Army, I am not as big a fan of Plato Closet and Buffalo Exchange type stores. See those kinds of stores ONLY take new name brand clothing, which usually means Gap and Old Navy and Holister clothing from last season. That stuff is STILL on the clearance racks for $1.99, I really don’t need to pay $6 for it at your store. Not to mention I’m not 16 anymore and I’m really not looking for used Abercrombie and Fitch or Forever 21. That stuff is poor quality to begin with, and after some 16-year-old wore it and washed it 50 times, it’s probably one thread away from falling apart. No thanks. I also feel like people who DO give a shit about name brand clothing rarely want to buy it used, teenagers can spot last seasons clothes faster than they can spot an out of date cell phone…anyone got a RAZR?

So I take a pass on any store that passes judgement based on a label. Id much rather spend an hour digging through the racks of tacky 90’s apparel to find real quality clothing, that is MY style, for a good price. And you know what, if you have the patience you CAN find really great clothes! Here is what tonight’s trip brought me (please ignore the lack of bra and the Lummi Island Hair):

 

AMERICAN EAGLE - $15.00

 

These were actually already in the dressing room when I went in (I love when that happens) upon further inspection they are new-ish mens American Eagle Jeans. The length however is a 30, which at 5′ 7″ makes them hit just at the ankles…eww…but cuffed up once they are super cute summer SHPANTS! Love em! They have that casual boyfriend fit. now the price was slightly over my budget, but I had gift certificates AND when you donate stuff (we brought 2 boxes) they give you a 20% off coupon, so they were much cheaper!

 

Ann Taylor - $4.99

 

Loving the casual sailor chic look! And this shirt looked almost brand new and super soft! With its 3/4 length sleeves this outfit is going to be a summer staple.

 

J. Crew - $5.99

This was a mens Medium sweater (yes mens sweaters can be super cute!). I really like the color and fit, but the neck was a bit high for me, so I passed. But J. Crew for $6, such a steal!

 

 

H&M - $7.99

 

Very similar to the first one only it has long sleeves so I passed. Also I’m pretty sure this was probably $8 to begin with, Savers just marks it up because they know we don’t have a H&M so people are desperate. You’re not fooling me Savers!

 

Eddie Bauer - $6.99

 

Again cute and casual, wasnt in love with the price, also felt a bit worn. I passed.

 

Lands End - $8.99

 

I actually really liked this sweater, but Mr. Gaunt didn’t like the pattern. Usually I don’t care what he thinks (sorry hun) but I agreed I usually steer clear of a striped-ribbed (like on the sleeves) it just screams ILL FITTING to me.

 

Express - $3.99

 

If this had been one size bigger I would have bought it. I use to love express back in 2002, although I havent been in one in years! I liked the color and neck line of this shirt, and the price!

Gap - $5.00

This sweater is totally my style. Light weight, cute neck, rustic casual…SOLD! The Gap always comes through for me. And I have an almost identical on that I stole from my mom this summer (sorry mom) in black. I love the grey!

 

Meister (huh?) - $3.99

 

Mr. Gaunt spotted some hipster boy carrying this sweater around the store, and the second he put it down Mr. Gaunt snatched it up. God love him! It might not be the cutest, but it’s totally my style! I’m in love! SOLD!

So there you have it. My total came to $39.00, then 20% off. The sales girl got all flustered and gave me back $11 which I’m no mathematician, but I’m pretty sure $11 is NOT 20% of $40…oh well. Then on the way out of the store as I was getting in my car I looked down and found a $25 Visa Gift card! We called the number on the back and sure enough it was good! So exciting! So really I got all of the clothing for free. Go me!

To wrap things up I hope you enjoyed my little used fashion show, there is plenty more where that came from! How do you feel about used clothing and used NAME BRAND clothing?

Winter Wardrobe

I haven’t posted any clothing in a while, so I thought I would share some shopping I did today. Not all of this was purchased (like the $69.95 jeans from the Gap) but I had a fun day trying on lots of things. I bought 3 long sleeve shirts/sweaters for $20 at Savers. The pant hunt still sucks, but oh well. I also got some Christmas decorations, one for a craft project that I will blog about. And in the last photo I finally found a great picture frame at Pier 1 for the 8″ x 10″ engagement picture I had printed a while ago.

 

Why I would NEVER wear skinny jeans!

 

Pants and Weight Loss

First off let me just say that they should REALLY make the inner thigh of women’s jeans a little bit thicker. I know even skinny girls whose thighs touch + walking = friction. And everyone knows friction equals DENIM DEMISE! How many pairs of jeans have been in perfectly good condition until the thighs go out. Lame. On Monday I was peeing (sharing violation) and I looked down and noticed the tell-tale signs of thinning thighs (no not the good thinning of thighs, the bad kind) and I thought to myself….hmm…I bet these will go soon. Tuesday I was climbing up a ladder and had to take a big step up into a shelf to move some mirrors at work (I do weird shit at work) and that’s when I heard it….tear. Yup there goes the thigh on my pants. These were my favorite (and only) work jeans. SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOO LAME.

So today Mr. Gaunt and I went to Kohls (which by the way is the DEVILS store and I completely hate it, and wouldn’t ever shop there except they sent me a $10 gift card in the mail) to hunt for work pants. Which brings me to todays topic:

I HATE PANTS!

Oh how I hate them. They are uncomfortable, unflattering and unpleasant!

-Jeans are always cute when you first put them on, but then they sag and fade and look like crap. Stretch denim SEEMS like your friend, but it’s not. Stretch denim is comfortable but almost always looks like total crap after 10 washings. All stretched out and overly crotchy….yuck.

-I wear dress pants (with slight stretch) at Job numero 2, and I actually like them the most. They are black and have kind of a wide leg.  However I can’t wear dress pants at my real job.

-Then there is that weird range of khaki/cargo/casual pants. These are just as bad. They are usually not stretch and are just stiff at the waist and unflattering and do that ugly wrinkle thing at the top where your thigh meets your hip.

The other thing I HATE about pants is the style now a days! In case you were unaware I have HUGE thighs and calves…HUGE. And you know, I’ve actually come to accept that no matter how thin I am I will always have big thighs. Which is kind of ok. My legs are very strong, so that’s good. But really they do not fit in any pants unless they are wide trouser style or a flare. And apparently flair is out! What? WHY!!!!! I love my flair jeans! Now all they make are bootcut.

BOOTCUT IS THE DEVILS CUT!

For me bootcut jeans are SKIN tight on the calf, baggy on the knee cap and then tight on the thigh. They do not go down my leg gracefully into a nice fabric pool around my shoe. No they are HORRIFIC! I hate bootcut. And don’t even get me started on a  skinny jean!

Why cants I wear Yoga pants all the time?

So back at Kohls I tried on probably 10 paris of pants and hated them all. Like HATED them. Finally I settled on a cargo/casual light brown pant with kind of sweatpants waste band…lol! I usually don’t require and elastic waist, but at work I’m up and down ladders, crawling into shelves, and spend probably 50% of my day on my knees on the floor. I’m constantly bent over, and a tight or stiff waist band can ruin my day. I wish so bad that I could just wear yoga pants at work all day….lol. You know how they made denim looking leggings (Jeggings) well they should make a denim looking yoga pant (Jega?) I would buy stock in those!

Also trying on all the pants made me realize (once again) how Id really like to lose the rest of this weight. So so much. I was also thinking that I have about 10 month until my wedding and how if I could lose 5 pounds a month then I would really be down to my ideal weight by the wedding. This would make me feel so good. I wish I could just make it happen. I mean I really wish I didn’t care, but I know I do. I wish I didn’t worry about it so much, but I do. I wish that I could just get back into a roll and that it would happen as easily as the first 75 pounds.

I havent gone out or dresses up in a while, and I think the day-to-day of wearing ugly work clothes and coming home and putting on pajamas is really getting to me. I need a reason to look nice. I feel better when I can wear cute things. I miss my girlfriends. Oh I’m just in a mood. Bad shopping trips always put me in a mood.

 

 

 

Still this fat.

GAP: Shirt $4.99 Pants $11.99

Yesterday I went to the Gap to browse their Clearance, I don’t even bother looking at the regular or Sale priced items…I just want Clearance. I really love the gap, well occasionally they have a bad season, but who doesn’t?  As I was trying on clothes, I really got to thinking about what exactly my style of clothing is, and how I feel about my body.

Old Navy $15

I have found it a little confusing to shop these days. For one thing, I was really hoping to weigh 25 pounds less right now (although I’m never quite sure I would even be happy there) and my body is sort of awkward. technically I am smaller than I was in highschool, but I would not say my body is the same. Unfortunately my skin isn’t quite as elastic as one would hope, and everything is sort of…soft. I’d say my legs, upper arms, and torso are the worst culprits.  And now when I want to wear a skirt and tank top, it’s all I can do to not sit there and poke and jiggle my saggy arms. Sure that skirt looks ok standing there, but sit down and the thighs are dimpled.

I tried on a bathing suit at Target the other day and wanted to cry (bathing suit shopping is the devil!). My legs LOOK like they have lost weight. No I don’t mean smaller, I mean they look like if you deflated a balloon and the rubber never really returned to its original size, sliding, sagging, puckering. Now I’m on the hunt for some sort of skirt like bathing suit, I don’t even care if it’s the Grandma Style!

My friend Jason wanted me and Mr. Gaunt to go with him to a water slide park this summer with his new TINY girlfriend. I told him I didn’t like water parks (which is tough to say because I havent been to one in 10+ years) but really in my head I was thinking Yeah right! I would rather chew off my own face than stand next to your 5’2″ 100 lb girlfriend in her tiny bikini! NO THANKS! It’s tough to say whether he would even care about my not so adorable bathing suit body. But I care.

I’ve had a few major self esteem meltdowns recently. More than I have had in a long time. I had a co-worker tell me recently how he HATES FAT PEOPLE because they are lazy, and if he ever started to gain any weight he would just work out. He told this to me in a way that meant Don’t you agree? And I stood there thinking, does he not think I am fat (although I have many times seen him point at girls smaller than me and claim they are too chunky) or is he secretly trying to tell me he hates me (I kind of think we are friends)  or does he just not think before he speaks. Its like when you hear people spew a “weight” without thinking: “Yeah, and this girl probably weighed like 200 pounds, she was HUGE” and you are standing there, weighing 200 lbs and you think: Oh really, was she as huge as me?

I know some people are just stupid and ignorant about weight issues, especially ones that have never dealt with any. But its hard to be around them, its hard to feel like everyone isnt judging you all the time. Its hard not to feel like the fattest person in the room.

I want to be proud of the weight I have lost, but I find myself avoiding telling people that I lost weight. Ashamed that I was once that size. Ashamed to say “I lost 75lbs, and yes I’m STILL this fat”

And my friends who have also lost weight, who are smaller than me and STILL not happy with themselves. I don’t want to be the fattest person I know, but you have got to stop obsessing! Please be happy with who you are! Please don’t use me as your self esteem booster, look I get to pass my fat pants on to Morgan. I’m trying so hard to love myself and be ok.

Mom and Me

And I miss my mom and my friends terribly. My mom has never in a million years made me feel anything but perfect, and no one has rooted harder for me during my weight loss. Being with her makes me feel beautiful and normal. And my dear friends who I stand next to and feel comfortable with myself, even the ones that are smaller than me. Who all say such sweet things to me, and would never let stupid things slip out of their mouths about my weight. Girls that I would stand next to in a bathing suit, even if I know they look better than me.

I miss that love and support. I wish I could be with them. I wish I could feel ok about myself. I wish I didn’t work with idiots. I wish I was with my mom and this Mother’s Day. I hope she knows how much she means to me.

Im ready for summer!