I erased last week.

For real, buh bye Last week!

I only ran two out of the required 5 days.

It was hot (and still is, at 92 degrees tomorrow)

I was busy in the evenings (taking naps)

Ive been a bit stressed/depressed

I ate a bunch of crap

I gained back the 3 pounds I lost the prior week.

There it is. Not so pretty, kind of embarrassing, and very depressing. So overall Id say that week needs to go buh bye. So because I’m the one who makes the rules, I declare a DO OVER! So last week is no longer. Id like to say today I went running, but alas I did not. I went to one of the last Rockies games with Mr. Gaunt and ate a hot dog….SO SHOOT ME!

(=

I swear swear swear up and down that this week I will brave the heat and go running.

In other news:

-I got a 2nd job at Pier 1 for the holidays. I filled out paperwork today. I’ll be working 2-3 evenings a week.

-Mr. Gaunt and I spent a lovely day in the mountains looking at the Aspen Trees on Saturday (pics to come).

-I got some AMAZING clearance shirts at the Gap today ($110 worth for $24!)

-I am ALMOST done scrapbooking 2009!

-I ordered some enlarged prints of our engagement pictures.

-We went to the Farmers market and got tons of veggies for dinners this week.

-I am two punches away from a free Latte!

Alright kids, I’m tired and am going to hit the hay. XOXO

The Good, The Bad, The Sugar

I’m in a sour mood. Its Saturday and I have nothing going on in my life, nothing. The last few weeks I feel like seasonal depression has taken over. I feel super blah. I have nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to hang out with. I’m super poor, which is more of a permanent thing, I don’t make enough money and I don’t know how I can make more. I have little to no motivation to craft or clean or do anything. I miss my friends back home, I miss my mom. I want something new to happen. My weight loss is sucking, I feel like I can’t even go out to eat without gaining five pounds, not that I could afford to even if I wanted to. I wish it was summer. I wish my trip home was sooner. I wish I was still losing weight. I wish I wasn’t so pitiful. Today is a crappy day. Don’t worry, I’ll get over it.

I made this my Desktop picture! I LOVE V-DAY!

Ok I was about to post this and then I figured I should snap out of it and write a list of good things:

1. It’s almost valentines week! I love valentines day. I’m going to make Mr. Gaunt an AWESOME valentine card.

2. We are going to hopefully get a new kitten this coming weekend. I want to name her Olive, Mr. Gaunt does not.

4. It is 46 days till I go to Washington to Celebrate my Mom and Friend Rita’s Birthday!

5. This morning I was at my lowest weight yet.

6. My house is only kind of dirty, not too dirty.

7. Im going to make an indian shrimp dish for dinner.

8. We are going to Costco. Hopefully before 5 so I can snack on samples. Samples don’t count.

9. I found a place to get Mr. Gaunt’s Valentine gift. I just have to wait until friday when I get paid.

10. I talked to my mom, Kelli, and Pro today which is very nice.

11. I organized all of my photo folders on my desktop today.

12. Im going to make No Pudge Brownies shaped like hearts for V-day. I also want to make lemon bars from scratch, died pink.

What I Call “a hard day”

the morning started out odd when I woke up to no Mr. Gaunt. He had fallen asleep on the couch. I made coffee in my new coffee maker, which is so nice to have. From there things just got blah.

In the past week I have gotten overly excited about babies. Babies and Weddings. At this moment I have neither, at this moment I would like both. I am very very excited to have babies, and so is Mr. Gaunt for that matter, we just have to wait a little while longer. I told myself I want to be skinny for at least a full year before I got pregnant, and in that year I would like to get married.

We are not engaged, we are engaged to be engaged. (=

So this morning I was entertaining myself with one of my secret guilty pleasures (shh dont tell) http://www.babynames.com, picking through the ones I like and asking Mr. Gaunt for his opinions. And although this always brings me joy, it eventually brings me to worries (oh did you not know that I’m a worrier?) about everything that babies and weddings might bring. Money, house, time, jobs, my weight…the list goes on. So here I am 10am and I’m in a funk.

Then football comes on. I hate sports, all of them. I actually really dont mind playing sports, but watching sports…yuck! So the game is on and Mr. Gaunt is fully engrossed, and I sit and worry. Later I call my mom to just chat, but she is having some vehicle freak out and can’t talk. I hang up and worry about her too.

Around two I take a shower and weigh myself. Things have looked better. I stare in the mirror and pull at loose skin and think how I wish I looked better naked. How I don’t want to eat for the rest of the day because I have weigh in tomorrow. Im irritated that my body looks like this and that every week I have to step on a stupid scale. I am now pissed that I am not more appreciative of my weight loss. I go to get dressed and can only find one bra with a broken underwire. I pull on a hoodie to hide my bra-less boobs.

We go to Target to get pictures printed for our Christmas cards. I decide that I MUST purchase a new bra. I grab 8 bras and head to the fitting room, I am only allowed 6. I grab 38 C’s and 36 C’s. None of them fit. The fitting room lady looks pissed when I hand her 6 bras that are all hung wrong on the hangers. I call Mr. Gaunt and tell him how upset I am that I can’t find a bra and he comes to find me. I show him all the cute little colorful bras I want to buy and tell him they don’t fit. They are all too big or too small or dig into my back fat or pinch or sag. I hate them all. I then show him the old lady bras with the thick straps and thick sides. I grab a 36 C and take it to the fitting room It is cream and lacey and ugly, it fits perfect, I buy it.

We have to go pick up my car at Mr. Gaunt’s mom’s house. We stop at Taco bell where I want a Chicken Fresco soft taco. I order the burrito on accident and it has cheese and refried beans (which I hate) and I cry and refuse to eat it. When we get to his mom’s house we go upstairs where she is looking on the computer at my blog. She tells me I looked unhappy in my fat pictures but happy in my newer skinny pictures. I am sad that we are talking about me being fat, and even sadder that I feel unhappy right now. I cry more and we hug.

I have to drive my car home by myself and my windows are dirty so the lights of the oncoming traffic blurs my view. I talk to Mr. Gaunt in the car behind me as we drive home. I feel safe knowing he is driving right behind me.

When we get home I try on new clothes that Pro gave me. The two pairs of pants that should fit are too big, but the dress looks pretty. I get a text from Kelli telling me how much she weighs, inspired by my previous post, she weighs less than I do. I am sad and happy. For a minute I want to tell her so bad what I weigh but I don’t. I am ashamed. I wont lie.

I talk to my mom again and we make summer plans to go to the island where my family had a cabin. I am excited and worried. Im afraid these plans wont come true. I miss home. I get off the phone with her and feel a little better. I check my blog updates and see a post from Nie Nie, one of my favorite blogs. An article has been written about her journey over the last year of recovering from a plane crash with 85% of her body burned. I want to cry for her. I am so happy for this woman I don’t even know, that she is alive today and although her body isn’t what she wants, it’s what she has. She can hold her babies and kiss her husband. And I know that my day wasnt that hard.