34 Weeks: MAJOR OVERSHARE

34 weeks

 

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I’m at 34 Weeks and 3 days! Holla! And FALL IS HERE! I love love love fall, but I have been especially excited for fall this year, because fall means BABY TIME! And by BABY TIME I mean NO MORE PREGNANCY TIME!

I was recently reading a blog written by a girl who I went to high school with. She is about a week ahead of me in pregnancy, and might have the polar opposite emotions about this whole experience. I felt sort of sad after I read her most recent post, she was sad her pregnancy was coming to an end. Seriously….she’s sad to NOT be pregnant anymore. She talked about how special it’s been to have the baby all to herself, and to be the only one who can feel her and nourish her, and things like that. How madly in love with her baby she is….sigh… I’d probably burn in hell if I actually voiced my honest feelings about pregnancy.

I have genuine concerns that I may choose to only have one child. The thought of signing up to be pregnant again HORRIFIES me. I really do NOT want her to be an only child (even though my wonderful husband is an only child, I think he is the exception, not the norm) I have always wanted 3 or 4 children, but OH MY GOD how in the world could I go through this again? I’m not even sure how I managed to get this far, or how I’ll cope with the next 5-7 weeks. I would have to be high as a kite to want to do this again.

I wish I could delve into all the really disgusting and painful things that pregnancy has put me through, but I’m not sure I need the general public knowing that much about me. Let’s just say I have stood in the bathroom, naked, while throwing up my guts and peeing on the floor at the same time. THERE YAH FREAKING GO! Now you will never look at me the same again, because you will be picturing that horrible mess. That is what pregnancy has been for me: One disgusting, painful, embarrassing moment after another. To put it nicely, my husband use to think pregnant women were super hot (I know kinda weird) but since I’ve been pregnant, he no longer feels this way. He said “it’s hard to think of pregnancy as a sexy thing, now that I know how horribly miserable pregnant women are.” I have tried to tell him that some pregnant women aren’t as miserable as I am. I’m either abnormally weak, or I’ve had an abnormal unpleasant pregnancy.

Needless to say it may take some serious counseling for me to move past this “blessing”

One thing that has now come up over and over during my pregnancy, is the awkwardness of hating pregnancy while having friends around you try to get pregnant. I have multiple friends who are currently trying (hard) to get pregnant. I have same-sex friends who had to buy sperm, and will have to pay for insemination. I have hetero friends who are going through the beginning challenges of infertility issues, lots of testing, lots of BFNs. And I have multiple (YES MULTIPLE) friends who have tried 1 or 2 rounds of IVF and had it not work. In case you don’t know, on average IVF costs around $12,400 each time! Can you imagine dropping that kind of money and NOT getting pregnant. And I’m over here bitching about diarrhea and swollen feet….jeesh!  Fertility is hard. Pregnancy is hard. Raising children is hard. Maybe it’s just life that’s hard. I will say I am very much looking forward to this next step, which I hope goes a little smoother for me. I’m also hoping that everyone who wants to can experience all the misery (or perhaps joy) of pregnancy too.

PREGNANCY THOUGHTS AT 34 WEEKS (LOTS OF TMI)

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1. I figured while were at it I might as well spill the beans on some of the less-lovely factoids on being pregnant. This last week I purchased this bad boy because let’s face it, I have no idea if I even have a vagina anymore. My poor loving husband may not care much, but in the coming month my “business” will be on display to multiple people, multiple times. It seems only right to keep things a little tamed for what could be the most important day of my vagina’s life. This also gets my dear kind friend Hilary off the hook, who offered to “help me out” if I needed her two (you know someones a real friend when….)

wedding worked

2. I’d say more recently that getting dressed is actually getting easier and more pleasant the larger I get. I’ve had a few people tell me things like “you don’t even look pregnant except for your stomach” or “you just look like Morgan, but pregnant” or other sweet things about how I look adorable, etc. In case you all are lying to me, THANK YOU! I will say I was definitely worried that I might blow up like a balloon when I got pregnant. I mean you never know! Some tiny girls gain like 80 pounds! Some girls get major pregnancy fat face (Kate Middleton ONLY gained weight in her face while pregnant!). So far I’ve gained around 25 pounds I think (I can’t exactly remember what I weighted at first) and hopefully will only gain 5-10 more. The maternity jeans I bought when I first found out I was pregnant, at like 6 weeks (which by the way, I HIGHLY recommend buying maternity jeans super early. You are so bloated and uncomfortable before you actually start showing, they are a life saver! I will never understand these girls who try to wear their non-maternity clothes as long as possible. GET OVER YOURSELF! This isn’t a competition, and if it is, I can guarantee you that the comfiest pregnant lady wins!) still fit exactly the same through the butt and legs as they did when I bought them. This leads me to believe I haven’t put on any real weight in the rest of my body.  Plus I already had a round face, so it’s stayed about the same. Now I just have a huge baby bump to dress, and things that made me look fat before, just show off the bump even more, it’s kinda pleasant. I’m totes not looking forward to post-baby stomach hiding. Ugh.

 

3. Stretch Marks, what a dumb thing for women to obsess over. Lord, who cares! Practically everyone has some, either from growing hips and boobs in puberty, or gaining a bunch of weight at one point in your life, or pregnancy, or whatever. They aren’t a big deal, they don’t hurt, or mean anything, and they sure as hell can’t be prevented or repaired by some magic lotion. Mostly it depends on your genetics whether you will get them in pregnancy or not. I probably WOULD have gotten some, had I not at one point in my life weighed a fair amount more than I did when I got pregnant. See, after losing weight a long time ago, I already had that deflated stomach skin, which led nicely to growing a baby SILVER LINING LADIES! Therefore I do not have any pregnancy stretch marks. My stomach may give way at the bitter end and get a few, oh well. I wont cry, there are much worse parts of pregnancy than stretch marks, trust me.

couch

4. Mr. Gaunt and I went to a six-hour birth boot camp last week. It’s a condensed class that is offered for people who don’t have 6-8 weeks to dedicate to going once a week to birth class. AKA People who don’t love their baby enough to dedicate an hour a week to learning about the joys of childbirth….kidding.  In the end I realized the one major thing I got out of the class was relief. Relief that I didn’t actually learn anything. There were a few things I got clarification on, but nothing life altering. I’ve done my research, I feel well prepared for birth, and anything that comes up, I’ve hired well-trained midwives and Doula to help us get through it. Had I not taken the class I might have thought I was missing something. Now I can be lazy, not read the books, and wait for a baby to crawl out of me!

 

5. Speaking of actual labor, Mr. Gaunt and I have decided that A. We don’t plan to let people know necessarily that we are in labor, and B. It will just be the two of us, no visitors at the birth center. On average couples stay less than 5 hours after the baby is born at the birth center. There really is no need for people to come there, when they can just come to our house later that day. Keeping my labor a secret is simply to relieve stress about people wondering if the baby has come out yet. This way no one needs to call us or text or Facebook about it until the baby is here. We will collect numbers to be the first to know via text message when the baby arrives.

 

6. This past week or so I have collected everything I could think of for my postpartum care:

-Large Mesh underwear

-Ice packs

-Stool Softeners

-Tucks pads

-Overnight Maxi Pads

-Witch Hazel

-Dermoplast Spray

-Nipple Cream

-Breast pads

YUM! Who wants to go have a baby now!

 

nursing bra7. I went nursing bra shopping. I hate regular bra shopping with a fiery passions, but nursing bra shopping took it to a whole new level. I went to Motherhood Maternity, I even let the women measure me. She told me I was a DD. HA! I wish! My boobs have never ever been bigger than a C, and I think they have gotten even smaller since being pregnant. I looked at her like she was crazy and told her I only ever wear C’s. She made me try on a C and a D, and even the C was a bit big. I even pulled open the fitting room to show her, and she agreed that I was not bigger than a C. Why bother measuring someone if you aren’t going to do it right?! Anyway I picked one bra that was…meh, but it was only $20, and I hear motherhood bras fall apart fast. I just wanted to get one now (I have two sleep nursing bras already).  We might make a family trip down to Nordstrom in Seattle to take the baby to get photos with Santa, and I’ll have them fit me for a nicer one. I hear Nordstrom’s bra fitters are the best.

Alright, I’m done, now that I’ve grossed or scared everyone. It’s pouring rain and I have crock pot roast ready to eat! Happy fall everyone.

 

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2 thoughts on “34 Weeks: MAJOR OVERSHARE

  1. This post was horrifying and hilarious! Ha, ha! (Kidding on the horrifying part, I promise). 🙂 I enjoyed your honesty! I have a feeling that I may fall more into your category when I’m pregnant someday. I look forward to having kids, but I’m not necessarily looking forward to the pregnancy. HOWEVER, like you, I have friends who love pregnancy. Who adore everything about it, who have a group of family and friends to witness the occasion, and who hire photographers to capture the event. Say what!?! I’m going to do my best to enjoy it, but I kind of already know that I’ll be glad when it’s over… and I’m not even pregnant yet. 🙂

  2. You look amazing in these last few weeks! Go to target, they have cheap nursing bras! Get a comfy one, one size up, without wires that is stretchy. Because it will be like you just had a boob job every 3 hours! 🙂

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