I blame it on my job, and the holidays, and blah blah blah, everything. Really I just don’t prioritize it. I mean I really do like blogging, but I also no longer feel like I NEED it. I use to feel like blogging helped me work through a lot of my emotions with missing my family, my weight loss, finances, everything that I struggled with on a regular basis. Moving back home has been really good for me. I feel older, and stronger and more secure in myself and my life. I don’t need to blog as often, because I’m just not working through as many things.
The last week or two I definitely felt like I needed to blog. I need a little therapy, and my blog had always been that for me.
I’m struggling with wanting to be vague, and wanting to word-vomit all over the place. I took a big self-esteem hit this last week. Something happened to me professionally, that I wont discuss, but it was hard. It engulfed me and made me dwell on all my mistakes, and all my flaws. It be made me second guess myself, my business, and made me lose trust and develop fears that I hadn’t had. It was a huge learning lesson, one that made me feel like my skin isn’t as thick as I had thought. But I’m coming through it, with help from Mr. Gaunt and my mom, I’m focusing on the positive things that happened this year, and letting this roll off as just a blemish on what was a great first year for my business. We are strong.
And we are weak. We are vulnerable, and not invincible. Not everyone is good, not everyone wants the best for us. This is what I dwell on at night. This is what I am still working through.
December is flying by, and the deadlines are piling up. We have a lot of plans, a lot of obligations, and a lot of larger projects that are hard to prioritize. I feel overwhelmed and worn out. I feel like my patience is thin, and I’m expecting more out of Mr. Gaunt than he is able to give. We both work hard, we both sleep too little, we both prioritize date nights over chores. We love each other dearly, and are so similar sometimes. I just need to give him some slack, and myself some slack, and focus on the fun of the upcoming holidays, and the excitement of a fresh new year.
There really are a number of awesome things coming up. I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done. I actually ordered a lot of gifts online, in time, yay me! I have some holiday parties coming up, and Mr. Gaunt is playing SANTA this weekend! Seriously, I’m so excited to see him all dressed up! I’m being the young hip Ms. Claus….yes there will be photos! So despite the challenges this year-end brings, I know that we will get through it, we will make memories and take pictures and thins will be great in the new year.
And I’ll give it a good honest effort to blog a little more regularly. Show off some of this holiday cheer we are trying so desperately to have.