The last few weeks have been a little hard. I’m unemployed, and feeling very poor, and very dependent on others. Not an ideal situation. Whenever I’m in a position like this I always feel really spoiled. I feel like I have too much, that I get to do too much, that I take too much. Who am I to be so poor and yet be surrounded by everything I could ever need? It feels yucky. It feels like I am too self indulgent, and too needy. Do I make bad decisions? Is the rest of the 20-something world making better choices than I am? Are they working harder and spending less? Are they giving more, saving more, appreciating it all? Did they all make better job choices? School choices? Relationship choices?
There are times in my life where I feel proud of what I have accomplished. I feel pride in my home, my family, my husband. I feel ahead of the curve, like I am moving forward in my life. Other times I feel lost, and pathetic, like I’m just not accomplishing enough. Does everyone feel this way?
I’ve stopped comparing myself to others. I know everyone is making mistakes. I know some people want what I have, and some people don’t. I know some people think I’m making silly choices, and some people think I’m brave. Today though, I just feel a little bit down, not brave, not successful, just an unemployed girl, with too much stuff, and nothing to give.
I can’t wait to start working again. I know for a fact that I could never be a stay at home mom, it just wouldn’t be for me. I flat-out don’t get enough gratification in homemaking. I do however hope to have a job that allow me to work from home, so I can be on my own schedule, and mix both work and home into my daily routine, but I know I need to work. I like working. I like being productive, I like using my brain, I like dealing with situations and different people. Like I said, I’m excited to start working soon. HOPEFULLY I will start next week. **fingers crossed**
Tonight I’m making a pot roast, some Oatmeal Cocoa Cookies, and watching Parenthood. I’m sending out Birthday cards to my two best friends, and folding tiny baby clothes for another. I harvested my garden, blanched and froze all my Kale. I’m trying to keep busy, on top of laundry, and the yard. I’m trying very hard to feel worthwhile. I know this is just a rough spot, and that my family and my husband are beyond supportive of me. I know they love me, I know we will be fine. And Happy.