The Dark and Short

When it starts getting dark at 5pm, my days seem to vanish, cut in half. All summer I was running on such little sleep in order to give myself as much day as I could. I would wake up at 6:30 and wouldn’t go to bed till 1am. Then daylight lasted from 6am to 10pm, it felt like the days went on forever, and even still I felt I needed more time. Now Its dark when I wake up, and dark 2 hours after I get home for work, the days are teeny tiny. We are also on a slightly different schedule, as Mr. Gaunt now works at 5am, so we have to be in bed eyes shut by 10pm. Between 4 and 10 I feel like we GO GO GO.

Yesterday I came home and immediately went into the kitchen to bake  a pumpkin cake (because I’m crazy…shhh!. Once the cake was in the oven I sat on the couch for another hour finishing a painting that has to ship out today. By 5:45 the cake was cooling and I whipped up some cream cheese frosting (cause I’m god damn Martha Stewart…duh!), changed out of my work clothes, and by 6 we were in the car going to our friends house for dinner (and movie, and invitation making). We got home at 9pm, I spent 30 minutes on the computer, then to bed. It was actually a great evening, and we love doing things like that, but I often feel like every day of the week is similar in busyness, its hard to find balance.

This morning I woke with some anxiety, which after searching my brain

side note: Does anyone else do this? When you feel stress or anxiety but aren’t sure where it comes from, you run through all the things going on in your life until you feel that PANG. Then you know whats causing it.

I determined it was a mix of money, and my job. Money because I have to take a TON of time off (unpaid) in the next few months (4 weeks off to be exact) and I worry that the coattails of wedding funds will be gone and we will be very sad folks. Also because we are switching from a big bank (booo) to a credit Union (yay!) and we got our first credit card (Yay & Boo), but we still havent finished moving all (like there’s a whole bunch…lol!) our money over and closing our accounts. So I feel like we are in banking limbo, and that is scary…ugg. But when the stupid banks all close by 6pm WHEN ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSE TO DO THAT SORT OF THING! I wish banks were open from 6am to 10pm so people could get off work and do banking things, lordy.

As for my job (are you guys sick of me bitching about one shitty job after another for the last 3 years yet? Yeah, me neither.) Its lame, and it pays nothing, and I have ZERO benefits because technically I’m still seasonal, and now they are making me take 5 unpaid weeks off before the end of January. On top of that, it’s just super boring, which I don’t do well with.

Sooooooooo

I have a plan. A business plan! A plan to start my own business doing something I’m good at, and something that’s not too hard. It’s a plan that could maybe be a full-time gig for me, that MAYBEEEEE could even be a full time family gig! That would give me (and my man friend) my own schedule, and wouldn’t cost a million dollars to start-up (except we kind of need a van…of the mini variety). But I’m lazy, and I get scared with business politics, and I’m bad with money, and I worry too much. How could I ever function? I know my mom and Mr. Gaunt will help too, but they are both busy with their own jobs, neither of them feel the DIRE NEED to do something better with their lives (well they do, but not as much as me). So far I have a business name, a logo, a plan, and a lot of ideas and lists. What I need is a business license, a van, a bank account, a website, supplies, brochures, uniforms, and a gig. Which is overwhelming when you have a full-time job, a part-time painting job, and a life cat!

But I NEED it to happen! So I’m just going to wing it. I’m going to go get the things I can get (no van for me…):) and piece together the rest!

Oh! Maybe YOU can help. What is another word for “Execution” or “Executor” in the “get something done” meaning, not the “kill someone” meaning?

So I feel better, blogging always helps me sort out my thoughts a bit. And I’m sooo excited to FINALLY make my bridal shower Thank You Cards tonight and Mr. Gaunt is changing his alternator tonight (the shop quoted him $600…psh! No way) So him and his friend Greg (who helped him change his starter) checked the book out at the Library and are gonna give it a go. I’m so proud of him for attempting to learn these things, and I’m glad he has Greg to help him feel more comfortable under the hood of a car.

Alright. I also NEED some new music! I would love you lots if you would post at least 1 or 2 of your favorite songs at the moment in the comments!

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15 thoughts on “The Dark and Short

  1. not sure what your music taste is…but i’m currently loving…
    Full Moon – The Black Ghosts
    Folding Chair – Regina Spektor
    Even If It Breaks Your Heart – Will Hoge
    also loving anything by Joshua Radin
    loving Andrew Allen too.

  2. I’m so proud of J. for taking on the car project. My hubby maintains all our cars, as well. ( I tell people I sleep with my mechanic.) Have J call if he has questions. Also- my hubby has purchased a Bentley Repair Manual for each car. It has detailed info as well as photos. You can get them on Amazon. This might be a good xmas gift for the man in you life.

  3. “side note: Does anyone else do this? When you feel stress or anxiety but aren’t sure where it comes from, you run through all the things going on in your life until you feel that PANG. Then you know whats causing it.”

    I have experienced this sentiment so many times but never really articulated what was going on. That’s spot on.

  4. I’ve been lurking your blog for a little while and I think it’s adorable and congratulations with your marriage. :]

    Maybe try “tackle” or “implement” for “execution”?

    If you like rock music, then try ‘God is an Astronaut’ or ‘Explosions in the Sky’.

  5. Love your blog!

    My favorite songs of the moment:
    1. Phish – Pebbles and Marbles
    2. Minus The Bear – Pachuca Sunrise
    3. Ooh La La – The Faces
    4. Phish – Joy
    5. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps

    Enjoy 🙂

  6. oh hi, you rock.
    so if you like Edward Sharpe and the magnetic zeroes they have a great album, and Home is not the best song on it. he has a rad solo project, Alexander, I think they only have one album, it’s really good. for old stuff I’ve been crazy into Nina Simone, more than ever, and I cannot get sick of
    Etta James pandora. have you seen Cadillac Records?

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