Friends?

I think once you are out of school, Making, Having and Keeping friends is one of the hardest things in life.

It is definitely something I have struggled with over the last 8 years since I graduated High School (jeeze). Especially now that most of my friends are in relationships, working, and even having kids. It becomes harder and harder the more we have going on in our lives.

And why is it so hard?

I guess part of it is that we are busy, and its easier to just come home and sit on the couch with the people you are comfortable with. Not have to “make conversation” or “find things in common” its just chill and easy.

Another thing is Lifestyle. When you are in highschool, besides your home life, you and all your friends are pretty much living the same lifestyle. Same schedule, same goals, same shit going on. As we all get older, our lifestyles change greatly. I have friends that are married, some with kids, some without. I have friends in School, some with jobs, some without. I have Gay friends, and straight friends. I have friends who are living off their parents, or spouses, or the government. I have friends who love their jobs, who hate their jobs, and friends without jobs. I have friends who have a strong relationship with god, or with community service, or with travel. Very few friends are living the same life style. Even when it comes down to little things like food. I have friends who only eat Vegan, or Organic, or are Red Meat loving folks.

All these different lifestyle make it confusing to mesh together. What will you talk about? Where will you go? What will you eat?

And the judgemet….ooooh the judgement. Not that we are all judging each other necessarily, but we judge ourselves amongst these people who live differently. They are richer. They eat organic, they are better. They have a happier relationship. Their house is nicer. They actually like their job. It becomes a total head game of “how do I compare” which makes any and all social encouters….awkward.

And then there are the spouses. Just because we are friends, does that mean our spouses have to be friends too? Should we always double date? Should there be a BroMance here? And if there’s not….is it awkward?

Right now I feel torn. I am no longer a Party Girl. I do not really have parties, and I do not really go out partying. However I do like a once a month or every few months, go all out getting drunk at the bar night. And I miss that. I miss getting dressed up, and dancing! Often times though I feel like my friends who want to do that don’t necessarily understand the crossing of the line. They want to get shit faced 3 nights a week, or hit on guys, or just make a fool of themselves. Which is FINE, I’m just not in that place anymore. I want the occasional Party Girl, not the Party Life.

Now that I am getting married, and have babies on the brain, I desperately want to belong in the “mommy crowd” too! And not just the mommy crowd, but the wife crowd. Women who are also a bit settled down. Women who want to sit around and watch a good Rom-Com with some wine and eat fun cheese. I want women who will gossip with me about clothing and gardening and weight loss, and holidays! Women who are into their homes, or their yards, or trashy celebrity gossip! I want a friend who will come over and do henna tattoos while we jam out to Britney Spears! IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR?!!

Whoa. Calm down.

But I don’t have kids yet, so I know that puts a big kink in things. As people who have kids want to talk about their kids, and people who don’t have kids, do want to necessarily hear you talk about your kids.

But seriously. I WANT to be social. I want to re connect with my old friends and make new ones too! I want to be brave enough to invite people over for dinner (despite the fact that we may eat differently) or game nights! I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, in my house, or anywhere. I want to say YES to invitations to go places, and NO to sitting at home alone!

So that’s where I’m at. It’s hard to be social. It’s hard to be ok with yourself and with your friends. It’s hard to break out of your shell. I promise I’m working on it….really.

Does anyone else find this whole friend thing difficult?

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8 thoughts on “Friends?

  1. Just so ya know – us Moms with kids …we kind of like going out and NOT talking about our kids for a change. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Once I started having kids – I stopped getting invited to go anywhere because people assumed all I would do is talk about my kids…Im with my kids all the time…I want to talk about other things! LIke how hot Brad PItt looked in Meet Joe Black or learn about new cool thrift shops I had no idea existed. You know?

    And I know what you mean. I have like one friend and it took me years to find one that I like to hang out with because she doesnt want to talk about her kids when we are out away from our kids too! There are however a lot of moms that do want to sit and compare how smart their kids are to their friends kids, brag about this award or that – but honestly…I like having a friend that I can be JEN with and not mom/wife/professional. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Funny, my sister and I had nearly this exact conversation two nights ago. Yeah, I feel ya. Minus the whole gossiping about clothes and celebrities, I totally agree with it all. So invite us over! Or you two could come here!

  3. Let’s do at home facials and paint our nails while watching Sex in the City! I love stuff like that! My bestie has kids. We will do something with the kids or just get together for lunch once a month and catch up. We do what works for us both. Tyler and I hosted a game night last week and last month! 90’s trivial pursuit and Life, doesn’t get any better ๐Ÿ™‚ And talk about being judged! Tyler is mormon (i can practically smell the judgement in the air when telling someone this for the first time). I gave up drinking around the time we started dating for my health.I’ve parted ways with friends who lost faith in me as being a strong willed person and thought he was brainwashing me. It’s unfortunate that I don’t get to see as much of my friends who drink because I don’t enjoy the bar scene but they understand. If we have guests over it’s byob and they get that. True friends don’t let the small stuff get in the way of friendship.

    • I totally agree Charla. And I hav never met Tyler, but of course I have heard other people opinions on your relationship. I know you are a strong smart girl and I know you would never be with someone yucky, so I trust that you made a good choice for you! I would love to get together soon.

  4. ok, i admit, i do like to talk about linc. but i am getting better at not talking about him. and i would love to hang out! i just have a problem making the first move toward friendship.

  5. I’m approaching 50, shifted 2 years ago to a small town and don’t have this friend thing sussed out any better than you!
    Having shifted alot, I know it does take time and effort and it isn’t easy. Don’t be too hard on yourself and take up as many invites as you can. You never know who you might meet and where you’ll get invited to next! Take a deep breathe and invite people around. It almost always turns out better than you worry about it being. Kids make things tons easier for making contacts and bumping into people at the same events and getting to know them.
    Meantime best of luck and I should read my own advise!!! and act on it!
    PS I like the format change for your blog ๐Ÿ™‚

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