we had our 2nd to last therapy session tonight.
I talked a bit about my depression and anxiety.
Paul asked me if I was ever suicidal. We came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t walk in front of a bus, but if a bus happened to be on top of me, its tough to say how hard I would work to get out from underneath it.
Not a great answer, not an awful answer.
I’m not depressed all the time, but I have my spurts. My days, sometimes my weeks.
Things have been hard with family and moving and money.
And although I love him to death, nothing has put quite the strain our relationship as working together for the last 6 months has. Seriously folks, don’t do it, it sucks. Now I wouldn’t undo the decision we made to work together, but it probably would have been much better if it had only been for a couple of months, not 6. It also would have helped if we were working a job we both didn’t HATE! So yeah, we struggle with this one.
Paul gave me some pointers on how to drag myself out of this….funk.
1. Do a physical activity for at least 20 minutes a day. I’m gonna hit up the wii fit tonight. I’m also really hoping to join a gym when we move. I know I need to do this, but its hard.
2. Spend at least 15 minutes in direct sun. I’m a bit leery on this one, as I hate the sun, but I’ll give it a shot. This of course will be harder in Washington, but again, I’m not really sure that seasonal depression is my problem.
3. Socialize. Paul says that I have basically destroyed my self-esteem and self-worth by isolation myself. I have more or less no friends. I also strive to not socialize at work. I of course have a large support group of friends and family in Washington, however I need to put aside the fact that I am leaving in a month and go hang out with people here.
4. Meditate. I like this one a lot. I wish that Yoga wasnt so ungodly expensive as I like the physical and mental art of Yoga. I’m going to see if I can maybe do Yoga at my gym. Until then I’m thinking Mr. Gaunt and I might take up a little evening meditation time.
5. Fatty Omega. We splurged and bought Salmon at Costco the other day. Salmon for dinner tonight.
So that’s where I’m at. The only way to get better is to make changes in my life. I have not always felt this crappy, and I know that I have a lot going on and a lot coming up, but I still need to keep my head in check.
I’m hoping to have a phone date with my lovely Maid of Honor here soon so I’m off.